DHAKA MIXED HASH A perspective on the Annual General Piss-Up on 1 May 2009 or “What the fuck was that?” By Warm & Fluffy (ex DMH)
www.bdhash.com
AGPU line-up
BlowJob presides over a rare charitable moment	In true mismanagement fashion the AGM (or AGPU), scheduled for 24 April 2009 according to the lovingly created Hash Calendar, was finally making its appearance (only) one week later. The good thing about this is that, although only in Dhaka for a week, I was able to join in the festivities. Hurrah. I rocked up at the Aussie Club with WebFart around 7:30pm and, once passed the security guards and a full body search (WF’s still walking kinda funny), we were met by a smiling obliging grand-mistress BlowJob who handed us back our entrance fee of 2 chits – what a bargain. On on to the next ‘check-point’ where a dutiful Ipodophile thrust something pink and glowing into my hands…a fuchsia-pink t-shirt with co-ordinated green beach shorts, resplendent with little tropical island motifs. On on to the tropical punch table (but there ended the beach-party theme) where BootyShaker was handing out the welcome drinks; the fact that half a dozen other harriettes [yes, including you Penìs] had made camp around the punch-bowel was a sign that if you didn’t arrive on time there wasn’t likely to be much in the way of a welcome left. Once welcomed and suitably (pinkly and greenly) attired I was able to join the growing hoards of hashers gathering together (around the bar) for this auspicious annual occasion. Whilst others shared yarns from hashes of note and hashes of great import from bygone years (so not much to say really), TunelessCow beavered away with technology until she was able to give us the almost traditional slide-show, courtesy of LipService (plus a few of my own flash offerings). Without much further ado the GM called us to order and began, in unhashingly charitable (but extremely well done) fashion, by introducing us to Valerie from CRP (Centre for the Rehabilitation of the Paralysed) then handing over Tk75,000 in donations to her which various charity dress runs had managed to raise over the last couple of years. Valerie then escaped, but not before a warm welcome was extended to all of us to go and hash in her back yard!
Haring heroes: get a f**king life! Top award (a kiss from BS?) for a sad hashing no-life bastard
Stop arguing, you have no life	A moment’s reflection on the stats	LipService takes up the GM’s whip
I AM IN CHARGE NOW	Hash stats TunelessCow gave a quick presentation of haring and running statistics, showing us all just who really doesn’t have a life. Yours truly slipped into the top five haring heroes with a 25% ratio and, along with all those other sad bastards, received my certificate which, unsurprisingly, reminded me to get a life! Moving extremely swiftly along, with no report from treasurer (what did the mismanagement do with our cash?), hareline update or self-congratulations for a fantastic year of mismanagement (surely the committee deserved a down down each), the GM stepped down……leapt down even (was it that bad)… and called for nominations for the next hash mattress. After a few moments of rabbit in the headlights behaviour, Penìs nominated LipService, seconded by someone or other (WebFart?). No objections, no other nominations and wey hey the Dhaka Mixed Hash has a new Hash Mattress. LipService took her first firm grip on the megaphone and, whilst BlowJob promptly got the fuck out of there, lived up to her hash name as she went on to lead the rest of the proceedings. It wasn’t so much as a mismanagement election that followed, but more of a screaming rabble of shop-floor merchants and brokers (or perhaps a Bangladesh session of Parliament), so god knows how there was any kind of legitimacy or order to what went on. Democracy is not a word that comes to mind as I think back. Somehow or other a new mismanagement committee was elected and, if I recall correctly, it is: Grand Mattress - LipService Hash cash/stats - TunelessCow Hareline – CamelJockey Hash beer – some random combination of HashWho, ComicStripper and LBH (but surely ‘there can be only one’ so perhaps they now fight it out with Claymores) Executive members: Steve (does he have a hash name?), Geli, BootyShaker, TallMan. Those lucky enough never to have to attend a mismanagement meeting, but with important things to do were as follows: Deputy Grand Mattress – Penìs Deputy Hash Cash – Jackie (I think???) Hash Spider/Web – PubicHare Beer Maid – Spread’Em Hash Haberdash/Rags - Sucker Hash Flash – Homeless (no, really, seriously?) Religious Adviser – ChickenFucker/BlowPipe combo (2 for the price of 1) Hash scribe – sadly no-body was up for this one. Out with the old, in with the new and still no-one offering any down downs – what the fuck is this? Is the hash short of cash? A call for TunelessCow to tell us how much cash there was in the bank (something like US$3,800 after giving away the charity cash and paying for beer) indicated that the coffers were pretty full and healthy. Begs the question: what are we paying Tk125 a week for (no beer included); where’s the free beer and snacks! When’s the party? It’s up to you now LipService! And to follow…..the games…. A hashing quiz and ice-breaker game all in one, where a completed questionnaire won you a vodka-jelly shot prepared by Penìs’ fair hands and perhaps a few new friends. A v-j shot boatrace, the rules sloppily and dribblingly (with lots of red food colouring) demonstrated by Penìs and yours truly. Pity those who were faced with a hairy back. A beer boat-race and build-a-pyramid game the rules for which never really sunk in – cheating bastards all of you – but who cares as the only free beer of the night was finally on offer! …..then dinner! ….then, once someone managed to replace cricket with karaoke on the projector screen, the karaoke commenced. Hashers got stuck in and were lining up to show off their singing prowess, especially BootyShaker and Lucien (what’s his hash name???); and so the karaoke went on on on on on on on on on on on on on on on on on on on on on on on on on… Many thanks mismanagement for a fun party - but really, without one down down the whole evening, in hashing terms, what the fuck was that! Good luck to the new guys for the year ahead. Don’t forget the free beer, the snacks and a ball-breaking hash bash!!!
Get yer vodka shot, good price
I’ll never complain about my piles again!
Ooh where did that go? My god he’s got a hairy arse No-one’s going anywhere near our bottoms! Yeah, a free beer!
Down downs at last…	...no problem…	….but build a beer-tower – no way!