DHAKA MIXED HASH – RUN NO 1339		5^th May 2007
Location: Nordic Club
Hares: PPU, PP, LBH, Baby Bear, Camel Jockey			Hashers: 74
Virgin: Debbi	New Runner: Aram		Leavers: Rocks Off, Blow Pipe
Main pic – walkers and runners meet down by the tracks A camera shy LBH (if you look closely)	The Run Not surprisingly, given where it started, this was a street run for the first few checks. Sights to be seen, smells to be smelled and fumes to be breathed. Why, I wondered doesn’t this hash have a Hashit? It looked as if we would have an ideal candidate! Still, there are those who say that urban scenery has its merits and sure enough, Gulshan lake was a beautiful green, presumably from Himalayan glacial melt water. But soon we emerged from Banani opposite the golf course, after a graveyard check, and crossed the Airport Road onto railway line, narrowly avoiding the 15.30 from Mymensingh (but not the one that left today). We went friggin’ miles along railway line despite 3 checks, including a photo stop with walkers opposite the Naval Entrance, as they say, and on eventually into the goods yard up beyond the Radisson, all on grass and dirt trails. It was here that the Hares had got together for a mass debate about fitting in an extra loop to allow the walkers to catch up and we headed off through the Radisson. No paper – we just had to follow GBH or LBJ or whatever the shirtless one is called. It was then a fairly gentle meander back through the bye ways of Baridhara new town. Having been seized with cramp brought on through the effort of climbing the massive hill up to the hotel entrance, I started to appreciate the principle of holding every check as I realised I was dropping way behind the pack. However, when the next check finally appeared there was no bugger there. Fortunately, the local security and constabulary were most helpful in providing directions and I found my way back to the On-In after an hour or so.
Leaving the Radisson in disgust after the Hares refused to buy us a beer
The Hares	The Circle By way of explanation of what follows my sense of humour is distinctly British, so apologies to the rest of the world, (or all you foreign bastards as Bozo would say) if you sometimes find it hard to understand or simply object strongly to it. For those with no sense of humour (e.g. people from Wales, South-East of England, Germany, and all politicians) tough shit – you shouldn’t be on the hash in the first place. So please bear with me. I have no wish to offend people’s sensibilities (and apologies in advance to any Tasmanians who may read this). Moving on – it was nice to receive a number of thanks from various hashers before the run for last week’s trash. However, last week’s trash was the pinnacle of achievement and, having been rushed out of the house by Beaufort, I forgot pencil and paper this week so things are likely to head downhill from here (is there any concept of downhill in Dhaka? I could also say “get worse” but a similar caveat might apply!). The GM soon called the circle to order, and what a bloody shambles it was to start with. Folk standing three deep, private parties and all sorts going on. She did lots of stuff but sadly only handed me a sheet of paper with about half of what she did on it, so here’s what can be remembered. · Virgin Debbi from Perth (the other Perth) was welcomed. God knows why she’s here ‘cos the GM couldn’t get the audio equipment in the right place for me to hear · New runner Aram, whose credentials as a hasher from Jordan were dubious as he clearly didn’t know how to down-down (or he is a crafty bastard who wanted a second free beer) · Returnee Carla who still (pointedly) hadn’t got a hash name and had been sex touring to Kolkata. · Leavers Rocks Off and Blow Pipe · Certificates – Not quite sure who is who, but certificates were announced as follows: Circumcised 100 runs, Helen Ong & the absent Honey Sucker 25 runs, Challenger 100 runs, Bozo 250 runs, Most Obscene 150 runs and Infused 150 runs. Never mind Infused, the GM was totally bleedin’ confused. Challenger claimed he’d done 100 runs 6 months ago and half of ‘em had already gone home. Just as well she’s only got 51 more weeks to go. · And last but by no means least, the Birthday Babes, ?? and Foxy Runner (apologies to the real birthday babe whose name completely escapes me) Just to show I wasn’t the only one who hadn’t a friggin’ clue what was going on last week, Bozo had to explain the first 5 minutes of his stint in last week’s circle to the assembled company this week. Consequently the first 10 minutes of this week’s diatribe were equally incomprehensible. (Truth be told, so was it all). Next, he mercilessly victimised Virgin Debbi in the cause of investigating the tattoo on her shoulder which reads Toya (her Somali name) and something else which was inexplicable. She also allegedly has a tattoo on her bum but Bozo should be so lucky to find out what that one says. I’ll tell him next week. Carla was then called in and arbitrarily accused of not being able to sing. She immediately proved these allegations completely false by giving a perfect rendition of the hash song, but then wasn’t allowed to rejoin the circle whilst still called Carla. The choice of names was narrowed down to a final two (a bit like the French elections really, and almost as exciting) with the choices being Jinja Minge or Tuneless Cow. I’m not sure what her objections to the first of these were – Jinja is, as we all know, the source of the Nile (hands up anyone who hasn’t had to suffer Bozo’s video of how he single-handedly navigated these treacherous waters in a coracle made of birch bark and balsa wood) and whilst Microsoft acknowledges “Minge” as a genuine word, it offers “no results” in its thesaurus. So, “no results from lots of passing water” – is that such a bad name? Much noise was made by Webfart in an effort to get his nomination accepted but democracy prevailed and, following the usual principles, Bozo as the Hash By Gum (being from somewhere near Yorkshire), named her what he thought best. Can’t Pull was then called in (with Webfart as a proxy drinker) for celebrating 60 days without alcohol (why would you celebrate such a tragedy?) and, as a consequence, being slightly indisposed as far as actually participating in either walk or run was concerned. His priorities remain sound, however, as at least he got to the circle. Despite the wonderful accolade by the GM to Towed for the finest trash for at least a week I do, however, feel the need to take her to task on the words of some of the songs I have heard in the circle since I arrived, that sound as if they owe their origins more to colleges somewhere to the north of Mexico than to hash tradition. This is, of course, nothing to do with the current de mode objection to all things American but rather from a sense of preservation of British tradition on which, it goes without saying, the Hash is founded. I refer, naturally, to the insults to equine species. The horse is a beloved British institution (especially with the aristocracy – isn’t our Queen currently in your country to admire the bloodstock?) and to us, the term horses arse is an endearment (not “ass”, please. An ass, as I understand it, is a common hybrid – a cross between a donkey and an Australian that is sometimes also referred to as a Tasmanian). To then include the horses’ penis, something much beloved of our society debutantes, as an equal insult in a subsequent song is simply intolerable. What really pisses me off, however, is that I can’t stop singin’ them in my head all day! Grand Ma’am, control, your troops! Thanks to the Hares for an interesting run, excellent tee shirts and nearly the justification for resurrecting the Hashit! On On Towed
Virgin Debbi
New Runner and New Shoes Aram
If these two need to be Certified
How about this one? (Apologies for missing the other 2 notables, but W&F’s focus was a tad awry for the group photo)
The Birthday Babes
Tuneless Cow