DHAKA MIXED HASH – RUN NO 1341		19^th May 2007
Location: Somewhere near Little Italy
Hares: Penis, Goose Bumpy, Baby Bear, Honey Sucker, Warm & Fluffy			Hashers: 78
Virgins: Lily, Arcie, Tina, Oliver, Kumar, Karl			New Runner: Tom
Leavers: Webfart, Shit Up To Here, Cloth Balls, Warm & Fluffy, Towed			Returnees: Arse Over Tit, Middle Stump, Syphie
Main pic – the hard core running pack	The Run Just looking at the hash names of the Hares, with one obvious exception, you can tell it was an all-bumpy-Hare run. Why do the names have to be so cute? Anyway, the cute names were more than made up for by the penitically incorrect T-shirts. Never mind. It was all obscenely well organised at the signing on inside Little Italy, which is more than you can usually say when the blokes are organising things. The brief briefing told us that we were heading for a start point at least 100 metres from that for last week’s run, that there were false trails and that we should stay on paper. What a silly idea. Oh, and we shouldn’t stand on all the crops that they were taking us through. So off on-convoy we went, and with an enormous turn out we were able to create our own traffic jams all the way to the start where, with total disregard for the day-to-day life of the local populace (well, we’re a hash after all) we eventually cleared off in the direction indicated – sort of south-ish. The first check was an absolute honey, with about 50 different paths to choose from, at least three falsies and then the Hares having the gall to complain at the next check that we had to stick together and not get lost like half the pack had just done. Fortunately Pussy Pick-Up had the energy to head back and guide the lost souls in. Whilst I mention him, an apology is due for wrongly naming him Pussy Picker in last week’s trash. Apparently he just picks them up and, unlike a picker, doesn’t furtle around inside (which is much more fun). Falsies were the order of the day, with more paper being laid on them than on the trail. Also, with typical female lack of concentration, the trail kept diving off perfectly good trails and into the bamboo, leaving the real runners half a mile ahead still looking for paper. This worked beautifully around the sixth check when a goodly number, led by Can’t Pull, came into the check from completely the wrong direction, but on paper. They then dragged almost the whole pack off on the falsie that they’d been running backwards. There was a bit more crop bashing, bits of bamboo and some lovely open grassland that followed, not to mention the boggy bits at the penultimate check. Two of the Running Hares were overheard at the final check discussing which way was the right trail and hoping that it would all finish soon. It did, thanks to the hoary old hashers who knew exactly where they were and we were soon back at the B point, which turned out to be Little Italy again.
The only other pictures W&F managed to take on the run – gravity takes hold of Minty, Geli and another at the penultimate check
A photo of my dog Joe, just to fill up the space (he hashes as well)
The Hares	The Circle As usual, with barely any time for a chat and a beer or two to get in the mood, the GM called the circle to order with the announcement that, despite how long it took, we’d only “gone 4.7 miles and f*** knows how far in kilometres”. Also that there had been only 70 T-shirts made so tough shit for the last 8 to sign on. She blamed W&F for the shortfall and for the T-shirt design – lets face it, the Mattress is never wrong – and there was a brief discussion as to the model (and magnification) for the thing with legs. Webfart reckons he needs surgery to remove the little legs but I reckon he could train them to scratch out the crabs without it being obvious to the assembled company. Hares were called in to receive the accolades of the pack, and it was pretty much accolades all round, with a few moans about the falsies, various politically correct sexist comments about who needed the falsies, but otherwise an all round good run. Virgins were next in, and a positive host of them there was – trainee RA Tina from Zimbabwe who is travelling; Oliver, whose parents have finally managed to get an exit visa after 28 years of trying; Karl from Ireland who is working with a phone company; Kumar from the UN; and Lily from Hong Kong and Arcie from the Philippines – both in the rag trade. Other down-downs were awarded by the GM as follows: New runner Tom who came from that Pacific Pimple, Nuaru (near Fiji, which even all you cartographically challenged bunch must have heard of) and showed us how a down-down should be taken. Sadly, another Australian. Returnees Arse Over Tit, Middle Stump and Syphie who had been, respectively, to the UK, Spain and Texas. Leavers Warm & Fluffy, Webfart and Towed all off sex touring to the UK (at least I’m going to see my wife, so it better be – haven’t a clue what the other two will be doing) and Cloth Balls and Shit Up To Here who are both off to France. Honey Sucker for her 25 runs certificate and then, in a flurry of self-gratification, 150 run certificates to Warm & Fluffy and Penis. Having strutted her stuff for long enough, the GM handed over to look alike RA Webfart, Bozo having an unavoidable appointment with a TV set and unknown number of beers. This week’s challenge question – how many Englishmen were actually playing in the English Cup Final? Webfart called at least ten down-downs and I don’t propose to list them all, just the more notable ones. The Running Hares and Pussy Pick-Up, with or without family featured in four of them, and they’ve been mentioned enough already, so the remainder were: Sex Starved, who was overheard to have complained about the back of her neck being sweaty – obviously not accustomed to having a young male on her back without air conditioning Arse Over Tit for only turning up for the big dick T-shirt Can’t Pull, hauled in as a look-alike for Ali Wank Bonk who had been noted for speeding on the trail Middle Stump for not advising his virgin that wearing new shoes involved certain hash rites being observed Jungle Nuts for not registering, turning up once a month and private partying Ex-bachelor, LBH for slowing down now that he’s married and doesn’t have to save himself for the hash Actually, I have to mention the Pussies as their d-d was a logical follow on from the above. Clearly they have different priorities to LBH as they were noted speeding around the trail like lunatics, having dumped Mr. Peanut Butter on Sex Starved (I can think of more enjoyable ways of giving a Sex Starved Harriette a baby than to pass it over in a back-pack) following a presumably celibate Friday night. The circle drew to a close with a few announcements, none of which I can remember although I think there was something special on next week in relation to the orphanage, so please support. Last week I complained that there weren’t T-shirts – this week there were but ……. My maid has already washed mine and taken a hot iron to it. Much the same effect as very cold water. She also confiscated my trainers so I couldn’t do the men’s run tonight. Anyway, well done to the Hares for a really good run, approaching a sensible length. You’ve now got a three-week respite from this drivel. On On Towed
A multitude of Virgins, almost arranged in order of size
New Runner Tom
Honey Sucker’s done it 25 times
And these two have almost lost count of how many times and who with!
Middle Stump does it for a virgin
The Family Pussy