Don’t tell Pubic Hare, but he’s being followed
DHAKA MIXED HASH – RUN NO 1348				07/07/07 (not even an American can get that wrong)
Location: Way Beyond Tongi Bata
Hares: Cloth Balls, Minty Hole, Camel Jockey, No Balls, Deportee, Faisal, Dickhead					Hashers: 40
Virgins: Kathy, Jeff, Herman & Romana		New Runners: none
Returnees: Rocks Off & Bozo the Clown			Leavers: Warm & Fluffy
Landmarks: Dirty Girl - 25 Runs
Main Photo: Bunch of Posers “On-Hare”?	The Run Surprisingly, the theme of seven kept cropping up in this run – meet at 7 past 4, Seven Hares, Seven Checks, seven bits of paper in every blob, 7.7km long run and so on and so on. Whilst most things were necessary, why on earth did we need seven Hares? After an extended photo call (see main pic) at the start we headed off east with paper being fairly quickly found by Horse’s Arse. Soon the first check was achieved, everyone caught up and off we set again. Lots of paper – nice long fresh stringy stuff – not far from the check so Can’t Pull, Bozo and I called it on and headed off. Most of the pack were still fannying about in the paddy at this stage until the Hares frantically called everyone back to the check. The seven second briefing after the photo call had omitted to mention that the runners were on small shreddy and the walkers on the long stringy stuff. Check 2 was eventually discovered by a bunch of shortcutters including Bozo and Most Obscene, who had to pause to make an extensive phone call. The pack eventually followed in before we set off again. Most of the time I haven’t a clue who finds the paper because I have a propensity to check in a direction diametrically opposed to that for the trail, but on this occasion I can confirm that I found the paper, hotly pursued by Warm and Fluffy. Wending our way through the village we came to a T-junction and Check 3. Enthusiasm for checking seemed to have disappeared for most of the pack by this time, with only Horse’s Arse, Can’t Pull and yours truly venturing out from the check (and in completely the wrong direction, of course). Check 4 was eventually found in a small walled field. Bozo then completely misled everyone from here by not checking left when he was told to. As a consequence a large proportion of the pack ended up on a long falsie into the bamboo. The trail then wound its way along a number of narrow paths, where Dunny Gone was overheard using the native wit and charm that his race are renowned for by asking Rocks Off to move over as he couldn’t see the trail for her fat arse. Check 5 was a natural photo call, under a pipal tree. Sadly W&F was completely out of focus and the carefully posed group, with Rocks Off and Horse’s Arse balancing in the branches, went without any official record. From here the trail could have gone anywhere and did. The pack scattered far and wide in all directions before the paper was eventually discovered heading off to the south, and a brief run along the railway followed between Checks 6 and 7. After a good number of false calls from Check 7, the pack were eventually called back to the check. Since Can’t Pull had, by that time, got a sniff of the beer, he wasn’t turning away from it and headed off into the sunset. Being more conscientious I took the general direction that the pack were heading in and ended up at Check, 8 by stinking pool of industrial and human waste. Some of the more knowledgeable of the pack were able to distinguish indications of individual sources of the industrial waste. When the Hares eventually relented and let us move off, it was Dirty Girl, much to her own surprise, that found herself at the head of the pack. Check 9 (and Can’t Pull) were soon found and it was here that the Hares committed a heinous crime. With the check well in sight of the beer they forced the pack to follow along some little winding trails when we all know that if you can see the beer, it should be straight home. Since they ran out of paper halfway back, or at leas so it appeared, they got the abuse they deserved. Well done to the Hares, though, for taking us out into the countryside and a dose of fresh air, good running trails and not too many spectators. All-in-all, an excellent run.
Passing Admirers
Balancing Acts
No Balls forgot to duck
Most of the Hares	The Circle In the absence of Penice, Warm and Fluffy took charge of the circle. The Hares were duly called in and the seven times everything euphoria began. A 77 minute run, 7.7 kilometres long, seven Hares, and so on. Shame they didn’t manage seven checks and the GM didn’t bring forward Run 7777. Four virgins were next, Kathy from Hong Kong and the others, Jeff, Herman and Romana, from China. (I thought they said Chennai at first but the names should have given me a clue, and isn’t Hong Kong in China now anyway?) Presumably all have something to do with the garment trade. To match the Hares’ lack of explanation about the two types of paper, the GM forgot to explain the drinking rules to the virgins so they all did it too soon. Returnees were Bozo the Clown and Rocks Off (who did not admit to being a leaver as well – Bozo please not for her eventual return). One had been on a failed mission to Copenhagen and the other to India. W&F then called herself into the circle as the only (sic) leaver. No mention of sex tourism other than Bozo and a bit of brass down by the harbour. Finally, FRB Dirty Girl was called in to receive her 25 run certificate before the GM handed over to RA Bozo. First up he called back virgin Herman along with Most Obscene and Pull It Out for a variety of technical offences but was rudely interrupted by Camel Jockey, No Balls and Deportee holding their own circle on the periphery. The RA decided that this was going to be a sitting circle from here on and called them in as seats for the techno offenders. Next up were two of the Hares, Cloth Balls and Minty Hole, for omitting to point out at the start that there were two sorts of paper and thereby deliberately further confusing an already confused pack. Obviously Dirty Girl needed some sustenance to help her recover from the shock of finding herself at the front of the pack. She also needed a rest from her exertions, so Dunny Gone was called in as a seat. Cloth Balls was next for managing to get walkers and runners coming together more often than he can with Tuneless Cow. It is a European thing, as those who’ve seen the EU film clip on youtube will know. There then followed a totally unwarranted attack on a fellow hasher for an alleged lack of hospitality the previous evening. Bozo’s view of life is that, like people, beer should come in pairs. Living here as a bachelor, I have a perfectly justified view that one is all it takes! Anyway, his son took revenge by biting a chunk out of the glass he was given. Pubic Hare was called in as stand in drinker as the RA had no intention of awarding me a free drink for this perceived offence. For some reason that I cannot recall Warm and Fluffy was given a down-down first. Five-Year-Old-Shit was called in for having five-hour-old-shit on his shoes, and then Hare Minty for taking the red shirt code to extremes and wearing red shorts, socks, shoes and underwear as well. There was some confusion between children’s fables here and that Little Red Riding Hood was “little” as in the seven dwarves. The RA tried to re-christen him Dumpy but by then no-one was paying attention.
Virgins
Observation test for an Aussie – which one has the fat arse?
Tech-no-phones on top
FRB Dirty Girl	Finally in a gesture of extreme generosity brought about only by the fact that Sex Starved has told him to get rid of all his hash crap before they move, the RA proceeded to hand out gifts like the Queen handing out Maunday Money. Once again, well done to the Hares for a good run in a nice location. Hopefully you’ll all be at Airport Tits at 17.30 today, 14^th July. On On Towed					None of this side-saddle crap