DHAKA MIXED HASH		RUN NO 1355
Location: Out Past Ashulia Bazaar		18^thAugust 2007
The Hash’s Idea of Holding a Check!
Hares: Camel Jockey, No Balls Rail Jerker, Deportee, Pradip and Someone Else (possibly Motalib – I can’t read Horse’s Arse’s writing)			Hashers: 62
Virgins: Matthias, Ming Lo, and three others who ran away			Leavers: Towed
Returnees: Dirty Girl, Carol, Albertsen, Towed, Tina			Milestones: none
The Culprits	The Run Well, it was great to get out in the country again. Mind you I had been in serious country last weekend in the mid-hills of Nepal, but that’s another story. Traffic had been hellish on the way out so we had to hang around Little Italy for a while, at least until LBH arrived with the beer, then it was on-convoy for a while, heading south through Ashulia to somewhere with a very nice gate and nothing behind it! A quick briefing from the Hares and we were off along the road. It was the usual suspects leading the way with the Pussies zipping about like angry bees, never really caring whether they were on paper or not, just as long as they were running somewhere! Goodness knows which directions we headed in – I think east to start with, or was it west? The main thing was to get us out into open country which the Hares did very well. There were quite a few lakes to circumnavigate but nothing in the way of floods other than a few damp patches which Challenger took to like a 3-year old kid. About the only truly memorable incident was Homeless’ attempt at dynamite fishing. Sadly, since RAB raided his doss, he’d run out of semtex and had to use a half-brick instead. His other failing was not to notice the two guys fishing, just out of sight but well within half-brick range. They were a tad pissed off as one had just hooked a sizeable fish. Or maybe Homeless is a member of the Fish Liberation Front. I seemed to be taking the Horse’s Arse role of checking the wrong way from every check so spent a lot of time at the back and can’t recall much more of what went on. Pickled Pussy seemed to keep disappearing off paper with a variety of different men. Pussy Picker wasn’t worried, probably because he knows that none of the other harriers could catch her. So we wandered around in a big loop. Somewhere along the way I recall bumping into LBH who was trying to avoid a puddle – quite what anyone with such an aversion to water and shiggy is doing in Bangladesh at this time of year, I don’t know. Get yerself to Riyadh, mate. Eventually the loop led us back to the road where everyone ignored the request to hold the check, and legged it back to the beer.
Homeless goes brick fishing
More countryside and a supposedly posed hash pic
Two Sweaty Grey Virgins	The Circle The GM was calling the circle to order before she’d even stopped running – obviously another dinner invitation that she just had to get to. To be honest, I’m a bit sceptical about the run stats – 9.2km in 75 minutes – it didn’t seem anything like that far. She then had some trouble finding all the Hares, there being so many of them, but once they were assembled opinions were limited to a good long run and remarkably little abuse. A refreshing change, really, as most times that we run for over an hour there seems to be nothing but whingeing. Perhaps the other reason the GM wanted to get on with things was to try to catch the virgins before they buggered off. Sadly she failed with at least 60% of them and it was left to Matthias and Ming Lo to hold up the virgin’s end, as it were. GM couldn’t resist a bit of rhyming so they got a version of Swing Low instead of the usual song. Matthias is an intern at the Danish Embassy and Ming Lo is a Nokia consultant here for 2 weeks from Singapore. Not sure if I’m allowed to mention NOKIA with all these Ericsson guys around. Mind you, they’re all bloody Scandihoolies of one sort or another. There were no new runners, so it was on to the five returnees who’d all had the good grace to stay on for the circle. Tina had been to a couple of places in the US, Dirty Girl for a good time in Doha (and it’s significant that no-one asked her WHY she’d been to Doha), Carol had been somewhere else, Albertsen had predictably been to Scandihooly Land, and Towed to Kathmandu (read all about it at www.aponarch.com/hhhh when the GM there gets around to posting it all). Towed was the only leaver, off back to the UK for a couple of weeks, and then it was over to Stand-In RA Five year Old Shit (the GM should have got a down-down for not knowing his name – she asked me what sort of shit he was before the run – I avoided the temptation!). I’m not sure quite what got into him at the start. The RA is supposed to be all about sins, shiggy and shagging but he seemed to think he was delivering the Hash version of the Ivor Novello Awards to start with. He said that after 20 years wasted in the music business (I believe he’s now designing ring tones for Ericsson) he could smell musical talent and called in Blow Job (who, one assumes, is musical in some way). Next was a total disconnect between Pucini (isn’t he the gangster guy in movies), Madame Butterfly and Miss Saigon. Eventually the senior moment passed and some sense was injected into the proceedings. Can’t Pull was called in to explain why he asked the red shirted Rail Jerker if he was a Hare, Acting Hash Cash Horse’s Arse and LBH for late cumming and then it was the introduction of politics into the circle. Not sure what Foreskin did to get out of a tangle, but you can bet it wasn’t very diplomatic. Foreskin then intervened, since he happened to be in the circle at that point, to call in Can’t Pull. Being the master of political understanding that he is, it has recently come to Foreskin’s attention that the present government is working to eliminate corruption. As we headed off On-convoy from Little Italy we had tried desperately hard not to run over Deportee who was standing in the middle of the road with a policeman, holding up traffic so that the hash convoy could turn right off the main road without interruption. Can’t Pull was overheard to shout to Deportee that he should pay the copper 1,000 taka. What wasn’t heard by many was Deportee’s muttered response – “F**k, is that all it should cost?” Back in control, FYOS called in Dunny Gone for being an alcoholic – no surprise there – and the Hash Mattress for asking virgin Ming Lo if there was a hash in Singapore. Can’t Pull was back again for his broken bum. Not sure how it happened and sadly (or fortunately, depending on your point of view and sexual preferences) the photo of him trying to stuff an ice pack (not his own) up his arse didn’t quite come out. Tuneless Cow also claimed that he’d been flashing at small kids. We have a Dirty Girl and now, apparently, a Clean Girl. Laura was duly castigated for being noticed trying to stay clean in all the shiggy. Finally, all the Hares were called back in for a variety of offences like being late or not even at the RV and, worst of all, for Camel Jockey changing his undies in public. The announcements were none too clear, possibly the result of Foreskin having been on the piss all day. Next week’s run is a charity run at 16.30 from ISD. Tee Shirts, food and a run, all for the price of a beer in Norway. I’m off for the next couple of weeks, but can I please put in a request that a literate Hash Cash is appointed before I return. Thanks to the Hares for a good run, approaching a sensible duration, and thanks to Blow Job for doing Hash Flash. On On, Towed
Three of the Returnees
Blind runner and guide
Latecomers
Low Ming and Ming Lo
Clean Girl
Lack of Clarity
This week’s caption competition (I couldn’t think of a caption, but it’s a nice photo of our glorious Leadress)