DHAKA MIXED HASH – RUN NO 1358			8^th September 2007
CAMEL JOCKEY’S 400^th			Location: 5 Km North of Ashulia
Foreskin trying to prove there is such a thing as an Australian Gentleman! (or is he actually trying to drag Clean Girl back into the paddy)
Hares: Camel Jockey, Deportee, No Balls, Motalib, Prodip & Rail Jerker				Hashers: 62
Virgins: Matthias				Newcomers: none
Returnees: Five-Year-Old-Shit, Small Dick & Towed				Leavers: Cloth Balls
Milestones: Tall Man – 250 Runs, Geli – 375 Runs & Camel Jockey – 400 Runs
The Culprits		The Run What is there to say about the run other than it was the best I’ve been on with Dhaka Mixed Hash. After the usual gathering at Little Italy, off we went on-convoy with Deportee doing his usual traffic policeman bit so that the convoy could turn right and head off down the road to the north and into the bamboo forest. Deportee does a wonderful job, seemingly oblivious to a combined mass of about 5,000 tonnes of steaming hot metal in the form of buses and trucks fuming to get past him. Camel Jockey had found a surprisingly hard field for the On-In, so parking wasn’t a problem, and we had already been told that it was and A to A, but pretty much bugger-all else. First paper was back down the road and off to the east. The trail was essentially a big left hand loop between the lake and the road wandering about on peaceful quiet trails. A route that is virtually 100 percent in bamboo is difficult to describe – it all looks pretty much the same – so I won’t even bother. There were a couple of incidents to report, the best one being Camel Jockey falling flat on his arse in the shiggy fairly early on. Paper was well set, but with one small exception. From one check about a third of the way through, I had gone off in search of paper but then, finding none, had heard a cry of “On On” off to my left so I cut through the forest in that direction and sure enough found paper and joined the trail just in front of Horse’s Arse. Very soon we came to another check and I commented on the two-and-a-half blobs of paper marking it. Horse’s Arse then went all wistful and started reminiscing about the good old days when they used to mark a false trail with three blobs. Soon Geli, Tall Man and Can’t Pull arrived and we hung around for a while waiting for the pack to catch up. Strangely enough it had all gone very quiet and eventually Tall Man, I think, looked at the check and said it was a falsie! You learn something new every day, not least how abusive Tall Man can be when he tries! We had a bit of a long chase to catch up with the pack at the next check, not helped by Tall Man galloping along making horsey noises and Geli doing his goat imitation. After that we had a great run on good trails, finding a few of these old fashioned falsies in the process, but at least I knew what they were by then. The run in was a bit predictable since we could see the road every now and then, but we got home with very little road running after a little bit more than an hour.
Syphie enjoys a trot by the lake
A motley pack of runners
Virgin Matthias		The Circle In the absence of the GM there was a slightly more relaxed approach to getting the circle together and the Stand-In GM, Geli, allowed us reasonable time to recover and have a beer before the festivities began. When the Hares were called in, it was to general and well-deserved accolades of a great run. Virgin Matthias then managed to stagger in to the centre of the circle without the aid of his trekking poles. He’s from Berlin and looked like he’d been chugging down-downs all his life. There were no Newcomers so next in were the Returnees: Small Dick, who had been to Thailand and Singapore; Five-Year-Old Shit who was on one of his shopping jaunts to Jakarta and KL and me, Towed, who had been back to the UK to see a warm and comfy wife. What I omitted to confess at the time was that I had also visited Scandahoolie Land. Cloth Balls is leaving, yet again, this time to head for Italy. Late Returnee Tall Man, who had been on something of an air miles gathering exercise to the UK and Perth (Australia) to suss out the Interhash also got a quick down-down. There were then some major milestones to be recorded: Tall Man has only managed a paltry 250 runs, Geli a good bit better at 375 runs and Camel Jockey a fantastic 400 runs. According to the stats, he has hared around one in every four of them which is a phenomenal contribution to the hash. With the formalities over, Geli handed proceedings over to Stand-In RA, Five-Year-Old-Shit who immediately made an absolute prat of himself by calling in Stephan (whoever Stephan is) for crashing when he really meant Camel Jockey! I suppose the names are fairly easy to confuse. Anyway, Camel Jockey eventually got his just desserts. I won’t attempt to give full detail of all the crap that followed as FYOS rambled on a bit. Suffice it to say that Dirty Girl got dirty and the aquaphobic LBH found himself up to his knees in the paddy. Small Dick and Blow Job were accused of sex on the Hash, which generated some pointed comment. Blow Job was so busy posing for the camera that she completely forgot about her down-down, so was immediately awarded another. The walking Hares – Motalib and Prodip (and the absent Rail Jerker) were they accused of the absolute sin of getting lost, Homeless for abusing the Stand In RA (and making the assumption that 50% of rural Bangladesh knew: a) where Bangkok was and b) what goes on there!). Clean Girl got a down-down for wearing a hash shirt for the first time, Tall Man for the horsey noises and Blow Pipe for getting all excited about Bum Deal’s Bum. He’s obviously not getting his Rocks Off these days. There were a few confusions – apparently Pubic Hare can’t tell the time and Geli was quite unreasonably confused by FYOS telling him “My car is full but yes, I can give you a lift to the Hash.” With help like that it’s amazing that Geli even made it to the Hash. There were a couple of techno awards. Chicken F***er wasn’t around to receive his so we never really found out what it was – probably the usual handphone use. The other Tecchie to get an award was Webmeister, Pubic Hare, who has suddenly been galvanised into getting all sorts of stuff up on the site. He even had the cheek to pester me last night about not having sent him the trash yet. He’s doing a great job and the web is much better than email for making information available. However, I do think that since it’s a hash, he should put little blobs of paper instead of the conventional buttons to help guide Hashers around the site. Final down-down was to the Beer Maid who did an excellent job, so it must have been a stand-in for Challenger. Can’t remember who it was unfortunately, but well done for keeping all the miscreants lubricated. There followed a number of announcements. It’s a bit late to tell you where this week’s run is. Foreskin made an announcement about the Glitter Ball, possibly on 18^th September, if my notes are correct. Best to check. Thanks to Tuneless Cow for doing the hash flash. I thought I’d better mention that in case you thought I’d taken them! And once again, thanks to the Hares for a really great run, not to mention arranging an excellent On-In at the American club that went on well into the night. On On, Towed
The three Returnees
Leaver
Lost Boys
Has she got/had enough beer?
All worked up
Note the T-shirt	Confused and Confuser				His Excellency, the Honourable Web Shitemaster
Milestone Men. How can you tell Camel Jockey has done more runs than Tall Man? His legs are more worn down