DHAKA MIXED HASH – RUN NO 1361				29^th September 2007
Location: Nordic Club
Webfart looks to be on a promise
Hares: Syphie, Baby Bear, LBH and Webfart			Hashers: 59
Virgins: Jack, Yoni & Michelle			New Runner: Yanker, Saskia & Hanoman
Leavers: Syphie		Returnees: Ali Wank Bonk & Bozo The Clown
Clean Girl does it in the bushes	The Run It is amazing how many Hashers you can fit in the middle of the road outside the Nordic Club, blocking the traffic. 59 in all, causing much obstruction whilst we waited for the Hares to sort out where they were going to go. Clearly they’d kept LBH out of the decision-making as we did not head up through the park to a first check outside the old Bagha Club. Instead we headed south and through a nursery to run along the lake side. Could this be the shortest run of the year from the Nordic Club direct to LBH’s? Not so, and we continued on down the opposite side of the lake heading further south. It got quite interesting from here as, after a bit of street running we dived off into market areas, much to Challenger’s disgust as he had gambled on a cut through that didn’t exist. The smells were many and varied, some no doubt emanating from hashers after the previous evening’s Aussie barbeque. We looped through the markets and across a couple of causeways in a right hand loop before getting back onto the streets and heading north again. Those amongst us who were not so fit were disappointed for it not to be at least a beer check outside LBH’s house and some even more disappointed that it wasn’t the On-In. Still, it was way too soon for that and we carried on north with checks at 200 metre intervals which were deliberately not seen by the front runners, and ended up running along the lakeside and to a convenient check (beyond the seriously smelly bit) from which we could see no cars outside Webfart’s place, so from there we all headed around the top of the lake and straight for Syphie’s. All in all, it took 60 minutes and was 6.5km long (see the later discussion on giraffes for an insight into the double entendre here).
Poser Ali Wank Bonk
New Runner Hanoman
The three Virgins	The Circle Beyond the shadow of a doubt, the Circle was this week’s best bit. Not since I arrived on the DMH has the GM f**ked up so gloriously and consistently. First, she called the Virgins in before the Hares and then called in the Hares in when there were no Hares to be seen. She let LBH forget to drink his down down, she asked a virgin if he had a hash name, she mistook and Austrian for and Australian and then took three goes to understand “I’m working on the fucking avian flu project”. Next she called the New Runners “visitors. Finally she thought the batteries on the thing she holds to her lips had died but Challenger soon fixed that by tweaking a knob somewhere. Somewhere in this litany of disaster the Hares managed to finish their down-downs (except LBH) and the virgins introduced themselves. Jack, who has no hash name, is here as a sex tourist for two days – should be enough to sample all the ho spots. Michelle came with Zhou, I think, and the rest of the Chinese mob and Yoni (or Yani?) is from AUSTRIA and working on the AVIAN FLU PROJECT. The first New Runner to be introduced was Yanker, who is the GM from the Cebu Hash (look it up if you don’t know where it is) and is a good mate of Beaufort’s. He’s here as yet another consultant with Ericsson. There then followed a couple from Indonesia (be more specific – it’s a friggin’ huge place): Saskia and Hanoman (see picture). If they said why they were in Dhaka, I missed it. Finally the two returning clowns were rewarded for coming back. Bozo has been in the UK doing it himself, (and there’ll be plenty more of that now that he’s back without Sex Starved). Ali Wank Bonk had been to Sweden. With her batteries completely run down by now the GM handed over to the returning Bozo, who has obviously missed his weekly rant First off were sincere congratulations to the Hares for the wonderful country run, but then he cut straight to the chase and hauled in the major miscreant of the evening – none other than our brain-dead GM, Penis. Once he’d moved Webfart’s bulk from the only source of light, Bozo was then able to pick up with Austrians and Australian in much the same confusing way as the GM had. To celebrate the forthcoming World Cup replay, Hanoman and England 6 – Scotland 9 were called in and then, just to clarify the difference between collapsed imperialists and antipodeans, Yoni was hauled in again. If we had someone called Al we could put him with Yoni and make an Australian (think about it). All those who felt the need to carry handbags on the run or walk were then called in, namely Blow Job, Matthias and someone else. Webfart was commissioned to check what it was that people needed to get them through the hash. Matthias’ bum bag yielded up 40 cigarettes and an emergency whistle, either to summon help once he’d half killed himself smoking the fags, or to repel rapists – come on man, you’re a German – who would want to? Then it was Blow Job’s bag – a rolled up umbrella and a jar of Vaseline. Oh, and a sweater in case she got the shivers afterwards. Gratitude was simply gushing from Bozo as he thanked all those who had stood in for him during his confinement in the UK – Webfart, Five-Year-Old-Shit and Foreskin. Condomania ruled thereafter with Blow Job’s earrings being the focus of attention. Apparently they’re made from condoms, which is probably less painful than condoms made from earrings! They look like giraffe’s apparently, but Bjorn Again complained that he finds the giraffe-sized ones a bit on the tight side. At this stage Bozo gave up all hope of any kind of sense returning to proceedings and handed back to the GM. A quick pastiche by a bouncing FYOS saw Bozo getting blamed for his wife not having spare pages in her passport … ahh shit – you must all know the story by now. With the excitement of the GM’s announcement of Glitter Ball meetings, Ménage a Tina wet herself and had to be called in for the final down-down of the day. Next week’s run is at 16.30 from ISD, if you haven’t already had 18 emails from LBH telling you about it. On On, Towed
The Three New Runners
Two returning clowns
We can beat them at drinking as well
Webfart rifles through Matthias’ handbag
GMs never drink alone
Broken waters	All she needs now is someone hung like a giraffe				Banned from Bali