DHAKA MIXED HASH – RUN NO 1367			3^rd November 2007
West of Ashulia
The assembled pack await instructions
Hares: Cloth Balls, Tuneless Cow, Sucker and Pussy Pick Up				Hashers: 68
Virgins: Mudder Sucker’s Mum & Dad, Helen, Paul, Jo Cowell +, Lily, Rasmus, Thana				New Runners: Khor
Leavers: none		Returnees: Five-Year-Old-Shit, Webfart
Milestones: Queen Who? – 125 Runs; Tuneless Cow – 50 Runs; Pussy Pick Up – 50 Runs; Sucker – 200 Runs
Crusty & Syphie do it the hard way ….	The Run The run was so good I just have to put in lots of pictures of it. The circle was run by women and I was so engrossed in admiration of tits and bums that I forgot to take half the photos anyway. The ‘A’ point was a few kilometres south of Ashulia and the ‘B’ point a couple of hundred metres further on. Although I’ve been on a couple of runs in this area we certainly didn’t cover the trails that we did this Saturday. At 83 minutes and, I think, getting on for 9km this run approached a sensible length for a hash. It even had hills in it, some so steep as to make Hash Who? feel homesick. Cloth Balls was obviously so alarmed by its length that he copped out by Haring the walkers. From the start we headed east and very soon into some serious shiggy which the more sensible of us skirted but the more foolish and the more athletic sought to cross. Blow Pipe tried to cross even deeper shiggy as he was off paper, with the expected results. If there was a criticism it was that a fair section of the early stages did not follow recognisable trails. Oh, and a second criticism – Pussy Pick Up should not be allowed to Hare. The bastard is so fit he runs all the false trails with you and there is nothing more un-nerving than finding him trotting along on your shoulder quietly asking if you really think you’re on paper! False trails seem to be set from pretty much anywhere which caused even more confusion and there was a fair degree of leading the pack up dead ends unless, of course, you happen to be a dickhead like Horse’s Arse (and one of the virgins) and jump over impossible gaps, worrying your nearest and dearest half to death. The confusion, however, seemed to decrease as the run went on, possibly because the Hares learned more about laying paper. A couple of local lads managed to suss out what was going on fairly quickly and led Blow Pipe and me on the right trail well ahead of the rest of the pack who had been engrossed in falsies and didn’t believe there was a way through the water where we were headed. The second half was just great with superb trails through open grassland, a proper hill and a wonderful Pipal Tree (at least I think it was) and fields and fields of peanuts. I have to give a mention to Gabby at this point, firstly because she was the shortest person on the run (much to the gratification of Penis and Camel Jockey – see photo below) and secondly and most important, that she ran the pants off most regular hashers. Anyway, thanks to the Hares for a great run in excellent country. Sucker did a great job at the back collecting in all the front runners confused by the manic running of his front Hare, Billy Whizz.
…. whilst Jimmy gets airborne.
Blow Pipe and Hash Guides
Hash Speedster Gabby
Wending their way home through the peanuts
Toiling up the hill	The Circle Despite the length of the run it was still more or less daylight when the GM picked up her battery operated thingy and brought the pleasant social drinking to an abrupt halt. The Hares were given a fairly familiar reception but once again I will say “great run”. The remaining virgins were then called in, Mudder Sucker’s Mum & Dad having decided that discretion was the better part of valour and buggered off, but the rest were there. Helen, who is a teacher, Jo who is a Mum (and the other half of Mike – seemingly NHN – Cowell), a misguided Rasmus whosaid he was in Dhaka to drink beer, Lily who is an accountant from China, and Paul who is from London and a colleague of Rugger Bugger. Khor, a new runner of some 20 years hashing, tried to inveigle himself in amongst the Virgins for some free beer but was found out. The Beer Maid had obviously cocked up the instructions as they all drank too soon so had to do it all over again. Sex tourist returnees were Five-Year-Old-Shit and Webfart. FYOS had been on an emotionally exhausting tour of the UK, Philippines, Vietnam and KL) and Webfart had been to Vietnam and Bangkok. Both, of course, to absorb the cultural differences and indulge in academic discussion of the same. New Runner Khor whose hash name is, I think, Hmong, was called back for correct celebration of his status. He’s from KL and lives next door to the Malaysian Embassy, so could be a dip. Finally the GM welcomed Queen Who? for having participated in 125 hashes and then Sucker for a solid 200, Pussy Pick Up for 50 and Tuneless Cow, for the second time in two weeks, also for her 50^th. With the formalities over, the GM handed over to Bum Deal to deal with the miscreants. First in were Fag Ash Lil and her co-sinner Glen for smoking (whether on the walk or in the circle I’m not sure) and then Blow Pipe and Sucker for offences of bestiality, in the case of Sucker with an underage beast. The problem of having a female RA is that it talks so much (or maybe it’s just this particular one). I have a list of offenders as long as my arm (and almost as long as my dick) to which there is no way I can do justice in the remaining couple of column inches, so its down to bullets: - Horse’s Arse and a look-alike virgin for mad jumps - Pickled Pussy and Hmong for not following paper (is that a sin?) - Syphie for wearing his hearing aid (poor old bugger) - Blow Job for sneaking off into the undergrowth for a quick pee - Small Dick for bribing kids on the run (tell Dunny Gone he’s supposed to pay as well) - Someone for scaring the shit out of the front end of a bullock cart - Goose Bumpy for her other half receiving an award the previous evening for the worst beer in Dhaka Special mention has to go to Ahamed (again) who was seen at Check Five to have borrowed a rifle from one of the locals and was taking pot shots at protected species. Finally there was more bullshit between the GM and spouse about one of them being rammed by a bull. Once again, Great Run – thanks to the Hares, On On, Towed
Three of the four certified ones
Ox cart incidents
Gun Runner
Worst beer in the World
The runners nearing the end. (Notice how Penis and Camel Jockey have managed to stand by the only person on the run who was shorter than them!)