DHAKA MIXED HASH – RUN NO 1370				24^th November 2007
West of Little Italy
Hares: Deportee, Camel Jockey, Hash Who?, Motalib & Rail Jerker					Hashers: 57
Virgins: Janice, Charlotte, Eileen					New Runners: none
Leavers: Short Dick, Juergen			Returnees: Deportee
Milestones: Pussy Pick Up – 50 Runs; Truck Yanker – 250 Runs
Nice countryside	The Run How do these guys do it – run time and again in the same area without repeating themselves – variations on a theme, by Brahms and List (well, actually, by Camel Jockey and Deportee and Hash Who and …., but it doesn’t have quite the same ring to it). Another great run in amazingly open countryside. We set off about 10 minutes after the due time to a point about 1km further up the road from Little Italy where the lead cars caused a huge blockage by not pulling off the road. Once us poor buggers at the back of the convoy had walked the necessary half mile to the start, Hash Who gave out the usual dire warnings about staying on paper, it being a long run and yet another virgin B Point, and then we were off down the yellow brick road (well, red actually). The tone was set for the early part of the run with about three false trails keeping the FRBs occupied whilst the rest of the pack strolled along just in front of the walkers. Soon we peeled off the main trail and headed south along a causeway and into the bamboo. There were some excellent checks, even without false trails, to keep the runners busy. Pussy Pick Up managed to take the wrong trail at each one with 100% success. The other FRBs, Can’t Pull, Horse’s Arse, Dunny Gone, Blow Pipe, Warm & Fluffy, Challenger and so on were equally confused although crafty bastards like Bozo the Clown and Foreskin always seem to manage to be up in front as well, once the trail was found. I lost count of the number of times I passed Tuneless Cow. Now that Pickled Pussy has developed a beer gut like most of the blokes on the hash it has slowed her down to a similar pace. Can’t see what all the fuss about pregnancy is, really – women only have to endure it for 9 months at a time but us blokes have to carry a similar load around all the time. We also have the pukes – just late evening once or twice a week rather than every morning! Anyway, we continued in a big anti-clockwise loop into more open country and some familiar bits from previous runs before turning eastwards again into more villagey areas and finally to trails known to be just at the back of Little Italy. With almost perfect timing we caught up with the walkers as the main road hove into view and the only further notable event was Minty’s encounter with a Buff cake. Being the height that he is, it came almost up to his neck. All in all, an excellent run with paper well laid and really good checks, so well done and thanks to the Hares.
Dunny Going?
Jimmy demonstrates the Chinese version of male pole dancing
Through the bamboo
The Pregnant Pussy tries to shake hands with LBH
The Magnificent Hares	The Circle The virgin B Point proved to be, as predicted by some, the new pizza place opposite Little Italy. To be honest the rooftop provided an excellent location for the circle, completely spectator-free, sheltered from the sun and rain – in fact, probably designed with the Hash in mind. Since the guys who run the place are ex-Little Italy they know all about us and are keen to build trade with free pizza and offers of future discounts. Once everyone found their way upstairs the GM called the circle to order and the Hares into the middle. Unfortunately Rail Jerker was still in the shower or putting on his make up or something but soon joined his co-Hares, immaculate in clean gear. For a change, Webfart’s view of both run and walk was “bollox” so we can assume it met with his approval. Three delightful young female virgins were then greeted and asked to introduce themselves. Janice is from Australia and claimed to be lost, Charlotte is yet another DFID staffer, presumably dragged along by Warm & Fluffy. Charlotte’s mum, Eileen, understanding the sort of person W&F is, decided that she’d better come along and chaperone her little girl. Deportee came back from India, presumably at the request of the Indian government and Short Dick and Juergen are off on their travels – Short Dick on a presumably celibate trip to Singapore and Thailand and Juergen is off back to Germany for some real beer. The only other formality was the award of certificates and mugs to a couple of sad bastards who have nothing better to do with their time. Pussy Pick Up has done it 50 times (but so far only twice with success, judging by the shape of Pickled Pussy) and Truck Yanker has managed it 250 times. It was then down to the RA to entertain us for a while. First was a lost property request. Having spent a perfectly respectable evening at the Sheraton the previous Friday, Bozo had awoken to find a bright and cheerful sign abandoned in his bedroom and, like Prince Charming, was looking for his Cinderella. Disappointment ensued when Cinders turned out to be Blow Job who received, rather than gave, an obligatory down-down. Truck Yanker was initially called in as a walking Hare but when the circle pointed out the error of his ways, Bozo called for Rail Jerker, along with Motalib, for conducting an excellent walk, timing their return perfectly to coincide with that of the runners. Shirley was next. Obviously Bozo had been examining her bum at close range during the run and had detected the minute skull and crossbones emblems scattered thereon. To cut a fairly long story short, this called for an instant naming ceremony, with Jolly Rogered being the obvious and only option. Bozo then plunged into his “life ain’t fair” mode and hauled in ugly bastards Sucker and Horse’s Arse. Even uglier bastard Pubic Hare was also called in and asked how it was that he managed to pull three gorgeous young totty into his car (albeit only for the brief 600m drive from the RV to the start) when Bozo had been lumbered with these other two. Headlights On was then courteously invited in to explain how she met Hughie in the back of Towed’s car on the way to the run. The answer proved to be an over-indulgence in Syphie’s cheap red wine the previous evening. Bum Deal had suffered a similar fate so, along with proxy drinkers Webfart and England 6 – Scotland 9, Syphie and Towed shared a proper drink – beer. Bozo then embarked on another long tale of personal hardship, closely related to the cause of the previous down-down. Both Towed and Can’t Pull had dropped into his apartment on their way to the party at Headlights On’s place and failed to notice that he was resting (comatose) on his settee like a coiled spring ready to leap into party action. Needless to say they both left him there. The remainder of the RA’s diatribes were wasted on Minty. Not only had he been wearing a Hare’s tee shirt when he wasn’t a Hare, he had committed pedalphilia by stealing a bike from a small boy on the run, had stepped into buff shit up to his ears and retired from work three days previously. (Minty says he has yet to work out the difference between being a retired person and sitting around all day doing nothing, and work.) He came out waving the white flag when Bozo tried to inflict a 5^th successive down-down on him. Penis finished off with a vote of thanks to Hash Who for organising the On-In and the three managers of the Italian Pizzeria for their generous sponsorship. On On, Towed
Virgins, all of ‘em
Blow Job lost it in Bozo’s bedroom
Jolly Rogered
Party Pukers
Minty declines his 5^th down-down!
50 Runs for Pussy Pick Up		250 Runs for Truck Yanker