DHAKA MIXED HASH – RUN NO 1371			1^st December 2007
Tongi Industrial Wasteland
Real Hashers know no fear
Crappers, all of ‘em (except the one with the limp wrist breaking rule 3)
Hares: Dirty Girl, Goose Bumpy, Bum Deal, Blow Job & Horse’s Arse				Hashers: 47
Virgins: Daniel, Hannah, Andrew & Emily				New Runners: none
Leavers: Dirty Girl (no, she didn’t) & Warm & Fluffy		Returnees: James Long, Cloth Balls, Rugger Bugger
Milestones: Bush Lover – 50 Runs; Goose Bumpy – 100 Runs
Happy Smiley Hares	The Run The briefing by the Hares lacked only one thing – clear concise instructions, but then it was Horse’s Arse delivering them. Fortunately someone got out of the lead car at the unmentioned left turn and guided us all safely to the start point. Paper was somewhere in the biggest green field I’ve ever seen. Nothing daunted the pack set off in the direction indicated and soon came across the white shredded stuff guiding us around a couple of corners and into factory land. The first check wasn’t too far away, on a sandy beach by the beautiful multi-hued and aromatic river. From here, a brief assault course led round the side of the big smelly factory and eventually to another check on an open greensward. With Pussy Pick Up leading the way and running twice the distance everyone else does ‘cos he’s travelling too fast to spot the turn offs, we meandered on to Check 3 where Sucker demonstrated how attracted he is to small children. Then it was on across a causeway and through and around the brick factories, with some suggesting that we could be heading for Pagoda. Checks were coming at us thick and fast – clearly the Hares were concerned that they’d lose some of us if we weren’t kept tightly packed together. But then we dived back into the villages and headed away from the river. After much meandering we finally reached what proved to be the penultimate check. A judicious piece of checking saw Minty Hole, Can’t Pull, James and Towed spot the beer, for which they made a bee line, finding paper within a few hundred metres, whilst the rest of the pack toiled manfully away in the opposite direction. The only slight snag was that the beer was up on the road and between us and it ran a deep dark swirling river. The Hares had, of course, foreseen the problem and arranged for a bridge to be just in the right place. Knees trembling, most of the brave crept across, gripping the hand rails with whitened knuckles. A cowardly few took the easy way out and entrusted their lives to one of the small ferries plying the river for a small consideration.
Sucker does his Pied Piper act
Syphie leaps into the abyss
Aussie virgins, plus a Canuck	The Circle Once everyone had safely crossed the bridge or negotiated deals with the ferrymen, and Warm & Fluffy had realised that she was supposed to be the acting GM and therefore in charge, a suitable audience had gathered and the circle could commence. The Hares were called in to face the music – who says the Hash is not gender sensitive? We had 80% female Hares and they were granted far more dogs’ abuse than any male group could have achieved. The virgins set the Down Under tone of the circle – Hannah, Daniel, Andrew and Emily all being from Australia and on their holidays. It speaks volumes for that great country that its citizens elect to spend their leisure time in Dhaka. The fifth virgin was Stephanie, who is Canadian and has a sensible reason for being here in that she works at the Canadian High Commission. Returnees were James Long, who has come back to see his Mum, Cloth Balls who had been on one of his usual jaunts and Rugger Bugger who had left for ever two weeks previously. I suppose two weeks feels like forever if it involves missing the hash. Leavers were Warm and Fluffy, who is off to the UK for a couple of weeks and Dirty Girl, who has been threatening to leave for Cape Town for ever for quite some time now, so we can expect to see her back in a couple of weeks. Next came the achievers – Goose Bumpy has managed it 100 times and Bush Lover 50. With the formalities over, Bozo took over and immediately pulled in Blow Job and Blow Pipe. Dirty Girl was then recalled to see if she could tell the difference. Not too difficult as you will see from the picture as Hare, Blow Job, is wearing a blue top and Blow Pipe has the puke green effort bearing his name, designed for this run by Dirty Girl. She might not know the difference between a Pipe and a Job, but they say she understands Blow. Hare, Goose Bumpy was then accused of being lost with Sucker, or lost by Sucker – not too sure which, before Cloth Balls was obliged to christen his shiny new shoes. I think he actually enjoys drinking out of smelly footwear as this seems to be an event occurring with increasing frequency. Having bade an emotional farewell to Rugger Bugger as long as two weeks ago, the RA was gutted to see him back again. Since he’s off the pop, Pussy Pick Up was called in as a proxy drinker. Since the rest of the family had already been called in for down-downs, the RA took pity on Hairy Crack and Dunny Gone and invited them into the circle for a small refreshment. In the course of the ensuing social small talk it transpired that progeny James had been puking all over the run (probably to do with the colour of the T-shirts). Bozo decided that such an achievement deserved a fitting reward and called for proposals for a hash name for the said youth. Many variations on the “Chunder from Down Under” theme were offered, but the simple “Upguts” was voted the winner, suitably embellished with the equine tradition of parental identification. So it was that “Upguts, Out of Hairy Crack, By Dunny Gone” was christened. Virgin Stephanie was then asked to explain her attributes, by which of course, Bozo meant not the ipod that had been firmly plugged into her ears for the duration of the run, but the dinky little special pocket that she had for carrying it. Almost finally, scribe Towed and the webshitemeister, Pubic Hare, were called in for failing to keep the trash up to date. It was only two weeks out of date at that time which is nothing compared to the state it is in now! And finally, Warm & Fluffy received a Hashy 83^rd birthday wish from Bozo and the circle Announcements were that THE HASH CALENDAR NEEDS SPONSORS. For the paltry sum of tk 4,000 you can sponsor one month and choose your own pictures. On On Towed
They’ve done it lots of times
Blow Something!
The ‘N’ stands for “new”
Dysfunctional webshiters
Upguts, Out of Hairy Crack, By Dunny Gone