Trash 1380

DHAKA MIXED HASH – RUN NO 1380

5^th January 2008

Distance: 7.6km; Time: 70mins

Location: AirportTits

Hashers on the rails

Hares: ForeskinBiryani, LBH, MostObscene, Warm&Fluffy

Hashers: 34

Returnees: Syphie, Penís, Challenger, Clothballs, TunelessCow, PussyPickUp, PickledPussy, Can’tPull

Leavers: RocksOff, SexStarvedInSrimangal

Milestones: Syphie (75), Jimmy (25)

Bozo helps Homeless to push off

The RV

An early start at the RV, but a steady stream of hashers returning from their Christmas / New Year excursions took time to meet and greet and catch up. A few more calendars were distributed (only Tk250 each or 2 chits – special hashers deal).

With hashers finally ready to go, lead hare LBH tried to explain the route: as with the previous Saturday it was to be an A-B-C-D hash, with a final convoy leading us onto the circle, t-shirts and food courtesy of Forekin Biryani. Considering the f**king useless explanation of what to do next it was amazing we all found our way, on convoy, to the B-point and the start of the run/walk.

Run

It turned out that the hash was setting off from EXACTLY the same place as the previous week (but I’m told better than being in town which was initially proposed). After an interlude where the creaking body of ageing hashers took a few moments to stretch their limbs like a bunch of very scary ballet dancers (especially homeless), the walkers headed off after MostObscene. Runners were not far behind, but quickly their trail veered off in a big loop. A few short-cutting bastards realised that they might be able to short-circuit the loop, but then what would be the point of them hashing if their main aim was to run as little as possible!?

Loop or no loop, runners ended up on the same route back into BAshundhara as the previous week except that, instead of finishing in front of ISD, the hares (well LBH actually since the other running hares NEVER ACTUALLY SET THE RUN) had chosen the Bashundhara convention centre.

There was a lot of fart-arsing about and shouting at ForeskinBiryani about where we were going next; it turned out to be his office near the market in Gulshan 1. The majority of hashers seemed to find their way there where we offloaded into the carpark area (not good enough for the roof then?).

Lots more fart-arsing about but eventually we were ready enough and HM Penís called us to order.

Leaving ladies

The run at a walking pace.

Bridge to Bashundhara

Which hares actually set the trail?

The Circle

The first circular challenge was to get hashers and drivers and other random helpers (and a flautist who seem to have followed us in off the street) to SHUT THE F**K UP. Being in a concrete car-park meant that every little conversation was bouncing off the walls and straight back at us. Hashers not being known for their polite silence, but being very prone to private partying rather than listening to the HM and/or RA, keeping the noise down became a thankless task.

Having derided the hares for not even knowing the trail, the HM went on to welcome back a whole troop of returnees, back from their seasonal holidays abroad. It was bye bye to SexStarved and RocksOff for a while as they left their respective husbands behind to pine-away for them in Dhaka.

Milestones included a 25 run certificate for Jimmy, although ‘boo’ and ‘hiss’ because he hadn’t once hared (next week perhaps); Syphie had reached a very respectable 75 runs.

Religious Advice from Bozo began with another not-so-polite request for hashers to ‘shut the f**k up’. He then went onto comfort a traumatised Elaine who, at only 17 years of age, had been attacked by a raging bull. WebFart appropriately played the part of the bull in the re-enactment, although had was forced to re-run it 3 or 4 times (as if Elaine wasn’t traumatised enough already): DD to the ‘brave maiden and the bull’.

Next up was abuse for hash shit Blowpipe who’d chosen to golf rather than go hashing with his wife on the day she was leaving to go back to Australia for a while. A timely block of ice appeared for Blowpipe to sit on, to be joined moments later by zero-haring Jimmy. Whilst they cooled their arses, the mid-hash texting antics of Ib were exposed although, him being a scandahooligan, it was impossible to check whether it had been SOOOO important that it just couldn’t wait. As Ib joined Jimmy on the ice, the ‘wife-hater’ Blowpipe received his down down and rejoined the circle. Whilst we thought of a name for Jimmy, the ‘non-haring bastard’ it seems that the RA took pity on Ib and allowed him some protection from the cold – by putting Homeless underneath him.

Jimmy was duly named ‘Hairless’, then as a result of Ib’s texting triste he also found himself with a hash name: ‘C*nt-text’ (due to various observations by other hashers who shall not be named – Bozo and HairlessBeaver – I leave it to the reader to substitute the letter of their choice in place of the *).

At this point it became an ice-fest as private-partyers, men’s hash t-shirt wearers (particularly Penís who as hash mistress should have known better, so was duly made to strip), hashers who can’t jump small streams, short-cutting bastards and hashers who run the extra mile were all singled out by an RA on-a-roll. Even then it was not over as WebFart added a few walking misdemeanours and gave Homeless another chance to ice-it-up as a stand in for a non-bendy Infused.

Back to the HM and a moment to pile even more praise on the hash calendar team of Bozo, WebFart and Warm&Fluffy, before squeezing a few more moments of pain and humiliation out of the ice. ForeskinBiryani may have been the generous sponsor of the day’s t-shirts and food, but hardly anyone had a f**king clue what it was in aid of. Syphie on the other hand was celebrating his 75^th run but had provided nothing – ah well. ON ICE.

No announcement of next week’s hash because no-one had a clue when or where it would be.

On on…

Warm&Fluffy