DHAKA MIXED HASH – RUN NO 1381				12^th January 2008
Bashundara Wastelands
Paper is out there somewhere!
Hares: LBH, Hareless, Zaya, Jack, Syphie, Baby Bear, Hairless Beaver					Hashers: 77
Virgins: Britt, Pierre, José, Jack, Martin, Jan, Josh, Zaka					New Runners: none
Returnees: Fart Echo, Bjorn Again, Fred, Ali Wank Bonk, All the French, England 6 - Scotland 9, Slippery Hole, and a load of others that didn’t declare themselves but demanded down-downs.					Leavers: none
Geli holds up the pack	The Run From ISD we were driven way out into the featureless wastelands of Bashundara. Then we ran back to ISD. Then some of us got into cars and drove to Syphie’s for the On-On. CAN I REMIND ALL THE MASOCHISTIC BASTARDS THAT RAN BACK TO SYPHIE’S FROM ISD THAT THE HASH IS SUPPOSED TO BE A DRINKING CLUB WITH A RUNNING PROBLEM. CLEARLY YOUR PROBLEMS HAVE REACHED THE STAGE WHERE YOU NEED TO SEE THE HASH PSYCHIATRIST FOR SOME SERIOUS COUNSELLING. There was actually a bit more to the run than that but I thought that I’d deal with the important stuff first. Firstly, waving an arm in an arc of 90 degrees and saying that “first paper’s that way” when “that way” is an open expanse of sand is not a good example to set for virgin Hares. Nonetheless, this is exactly what Syphie did to start us off. Eventually Pussy Pick Up found paper but ran the wrong way on it for a while. I should explain that Syphie had taken this on as a training exercise for new Hares and, in order to show them how to set a really good run, he’d co-opted LBH onto the vast team. At least the Walkers would be ok with Baby Bear and Hairless Beaver. Anyway we tooled about happily in the sand for a while kicking up lots of dust and then started down into the now dry lower levels. At least now the water has receded there can be a bit more interest in runs in this area, with four or five metre hills to climb (that’s for the benefit of my ardent readers in Kathmandu!) and some nice soft soggy stuff where the water used to be. We were heading back in the general direction of ISD when a couple of goats decided to join in. Clearly they recognised in Challenger a man who would love (literally) and cherish them and take them away to a better life as they nuzzled up to him at the next check and then proceeded to follow us for a further kilometre or so until we made it back into the world of asphalt roads (albeit briefly). It was around this point that Syphie decided to start the on-the-job training of the virgin Hares in earnest. (Mind you, when I’m on the job with Ernest the last thing I want is some old bald fart telling me what to do!) So we were then subjected to a new introduction to the Dhaka Mixed Hash of Mandarin paper calling. Confusion (or was it Confucius?) reigned so we all ran over to the freedom fighter monument and then through a few familiar back lanes until we arrived back at ISD. From here it was supposed to be on-convoy back to Syphie’s place but some deranged runners decided the run had been too short and decided they would run back (see above caution).
Airborne Aussie
Virgin Hare leads the way
Aussie Mud Hopper
All the Hares	The Circle Once all the poor daft exhausted sad bastards who had run back (how many then used the lift to get up to the roof?) had assembled and recovered slightly the GM called things to order and all the seven Hares into the middle. The basic comment on the run was that they’d done it backwards and should have started at ISD and had the circle in the middle of nowhere. Still, maybe that was part of Syphie’s cunning training plan – rope in LBH to show them how not to set a run and then from that point on it’s all downhill (or it would be if we had any hills). Virgins were next and the GM did her usual “all speak at once” thing when confronted with more than three people to talk to. So all that can be said of the virgins is that three were Scandahoolie Danes, one each from Bangladesh, US, Oz and UK and finally Jack (another good Chinese name to put alongside co-Hare Jimmy), not content with just coming along to the hash for the first time, had to be a bloody Hare as well. There were loads of returnees, some declared to Hash Cash and some not. Those that made the admission were Fart Echo, who’d been to UK; Bjorn Again and Fred who had both been to Thailand (but not together); Ali Wank Bonk to Sweden; the French Knicqueurs and Haqueurs and Julie, who had all been to France, and England 6 – Scotland 9 who had been to see the sailors in Portsmouth. The others were all deemed to be freeloaders so spot drinkers Webfart, Challenger and Bozo were appointed to take their down-downs. There being no other notables, the GM handed over to RA Bozo the Clown. First in was cheapskate Small Dick for not paying before the start of the run, closely, and most unjustly followed by my good self for having made perfectly acceptable and legitimate credit arrangements with Hash Cash before the run. Unfortunately Bozo had been standing next to me at the time. Blow Job was next for falling over at work. Strangely there was no rush of lawyers into the circle offering their services free of charge as long as they got 99% of the ten zillion dollar settlement. Bozo reckoned that she’d been out of her skull at 10.00 a.m. when the accident happened. Probably a sensible state to be in if you have to teach kids of non-hashers. Then it was the turn of the Aussies, or at least one in particular. As we ran, showing the usual Hash respect for local culture and sensitivities, through one of the local cricket games the batsman was so shocked that he stopped in mid stroke, popping up a simple catch to Pierre who was then accused by Bozo of celebrating Aussie style with shouts, congratulations and much finger waving in the air. The only real difference was that Pierre had taken a clean catch. Haqueuer Fucqueur was then called in on the tenuous link that, since Pierre is a French name, the French would know about cricket. Haqueuer Fucqueur reckons it is a sort of bug. Other notables were Deportee for new shoes; England 6 – Scotland 9, not for getting his big thing out and pointing it at local ladies, but for running on the walk; and birthday girl Penis, who apparently shares her birthday with Elvis. Still, she doesn’t look that old. Finally the running Hares were called back in so that the whole pack could see the benefits of the training received at Syphie’s hands. Syphie gave a militaristic example of how to call checks (most hashes just say “check it out” or don’t even stop for checks) and then the virgin Hares were called on for their examination. The results were impressive, especially considering who their tutor had been, and all passed with flying colours. The final announcements were about the Burns Supper (25^th Jan) and Nash Hash (21-23 February) – see other pages of this webshite for details. On On Towed
Cheapskates
French Cricket
New shoes for Deportee
The paper might go that way …..			…. or it could go up there!
All hail the revolution		Danish Virgin in discussion with Beer Maid – “do you call that a f***ing down-down?”