DHAKA MIXED HASH – RUN NO 1385							9^th February 2008
Another Gispert Memorial Run – Big Italy
The Happy Coupling Hares
Hares: Warm & Fluffy, Webfart, Bum Deal & Horses Arse								Hashers: 56
Virgins: Gustav, Megan, Jason, Kim & Patrick								New Runner: Condom Man II
Leavers: Bozo the Clown				Returnees: Sir Wankalot
Milestones: Two Bottles – 25 Runs
Virgins		The Run Its that long ago that I can’t really remember. Also the number of down-downs that the bastard RA gave me does no work towards total recall. Anyway, I’ll describe what I think it was and you can write in the webshite and tell me if I’m wrong. We were told that it was only about 1.5km from Big Italy to the start so the more athletic (and gullible) set off on what turned out to be a 2.8km jog up the road whilst those of us with more sense did it in the comfort of Bozo’s big white gas guzzler. Once the others arrived we were told to find the paper which took us straight across the main road and off into the settlements to the east. We worked our way down to the little road that heads off east from the bazar and into the big bamboo forests where a false trail took the more gullible of us over the bridge and heading east until we were called back. We then followed the route set on Run 1372 down along the waterside before cutting across an extremely slippery causeway (did I mention that it was pissing down?) and then headed for the brickyards. When the trail ran out I was convinced that they were just going to reverse run 1372 back through the brickyards and to Gig Italy, so set off with confidence, ignoring calls of on-back. I’ve no idea where the rest of the pack went for the next 20 minutes or so, just a vague idea of where I last saw them about half a mile away on the other side of a very big swampy area. The Hares had gone against all convention and crossed the road to take us off to the west before looping south to come out again by Big Italy. The loop, as I recall, was quite a long one and I think somewhere along the line I fell into a lake, but other than that it was fairly uneventful. Since Warm & Fluffy forgot to take her camera on the run there is no photographic record to remind me of anything else.
No, really. I’m sober!
25 Bottles
Messy Arsey		The Circle Once we were all safely back, having been made to cross the road three times, the GM took control and called proceedings to order. The Hares received the usual flattery, most of it from Webfart himself then the GM introduced trainee GM Blow Job to see how much she had remembered from her stint on Run 1382. Close to fuck-all, as it turned out. As a result, the virgins went almost unnoticed. Jason and the rest are all from the jolly old US of A and have top secret jobs. Tattooed tart Melinda brought them. Gustav, who could run a bit, is from South Africa. We had a new runner, Condom Man II, who the GM took to task for not wearing a Hash tee-shirt on the run. Since this is the first hash I’ve run on where such draconian thinking and blatant disregard for the non-existence of Hash Rules is applied, I leaped to his defence and got a down-down for my pains. Sir Wankalot has returned, from a sojourn to Vietnam, Cambodia and Thailand and, as a result, Bozo decided he was to be a leaver. Finally from the GM was the award of a 25 run certificate to Two Bottles. I’m not sure what I had done to be so grossly and unjustly victimised in the circle by the RA, but never mind. Just because the trash is four and a half weeks behind there is no need to pick on me and Pubic Hare for this minor matter. Writers block can strike at any time to even the most talented of scribes. (I appear this week to have discovered a definite laxative as the words are running all over the pages). Next in were the Hash crashers – Jumpy Bumpy was more of a Messy Arsey, Bashir, in his usual après-hash suit, Can’t Pull and me again for my brief dip, closely followed by colour co-ordinated pair Penis and Condom Man II with Geli as a spot drinker. The victimisation of Towed continued, with Bozo confessing his objective of getting me seriously shit-faced the night before soon-to-be visiting Hashers Towed Under and Custard Tart arrived. After a brief respite whilst Melinda was given a down-down for not advising virgin Megan that she should not wear new shoes to the hash (a very ladylike d-d with a glass interposed between beer and shoe – Bozo clearly trying to pull) I was back in to share a pot with Peter for being front running bastards – he for the first time in his life and me probably not for the last. Homeless was charged with mobile use on the run, as was Aussie slaphead Steve (here for a year) plus a crash and Homeless was kept in the circle to celebrate the highly unusual event of him actually paying the right amount of money. Reluctant to provide him with a second free drink in one day, the RA decided that a spot drinker was required and, not surprisingly selected yours truly again and then had the nerve to accuse me of being “totally fucking lost” and miles off paper. So what? Blow Job and Goose Bumpy were called in for turning up after the run was finished and, since Goose Bumpy is off the pop a spot drinker was required – no prizes for guessing who! Other miscreants were Shit-Up-To-Here and infused for taking a rickshaw ride when on the walk. Finally it was decided that Peter was in need of a name and after some loose allegations regarding the cost of visas for the Interhash it was a choice between “Extortionist” and “Bribery & Corruption”. The vote was slightly depleted as those still to apply for their visas were reluctant to be seen to be voting for either of these. The final vote was strongly in favour of Extortionist. The montage below gives some idea of the deranged antics of the megalomaniac RA. On On Towed
Delicate down-down
Extortionist
Bozo, praying to Father Abraham for forgiveness
									VICTIM- -EYE- -FUCKING- -ZATION