DHAKA MIXED HASH – RUN NO 1393			8^th March 2008
Big Italy
No Hair about to leap into the void
Hares: Melinda, Patrick, Deportee, Motalib, Chicken Fucker and LBH				Hashers: 51
Virgins: Frank Long, Subuhi, Philippe, Brian				New Runners: none
Leavers: Dunny Gone & Hairy Crack		Returnees: Tuneless Cow & Blow Pipe
Bamboo	The Run It was on convoy to the north and then left at the bazar for a few more kilometres before we were disgorged from the cars and told to go and find paper, but at least the Hares told us which direction to go in. The Hares had announced a five and a half mile (yep, we had good old North American Hares!) run and a four and a half mile walk. Much scratching of the heads went on whilst the assembled company worked out how far that was in units that they could understand. You could tell how quickly they worked it out by the speed with which they said “Oh fuck!” So we all trotted off down the road only to be blocked by the walkers who had been given a 100 metre head start. Once we got past them and on to the first check things improved, other than the all-pervasive natural farmyard smells. From the check we struck off into the country which the Hares claimed to be virgin. After that it was all a bit vague, running through bamboo, small settlements heading generally south before eventually turning east and towards Italy on some more familiar paths. After a while, when we had been running for about 45 minutes the hares had a brief confab, with lots of pointing, clearly trying to guess the best way home as they realised just how far out they still were. So it was On-Hare for the rest of the way, with Deportee shouting a random “hold the check” every so often. Soon enough we were onto known paths and it was basically “sod the Hares, we know where we’re going” and we carried on without them. All in all a pretty good run although the last bit tends to be a bit built up as you try to get back to the Eyeties.
More Bamboo
Balancing act
Hares (minus Deportee)	The Circle It was fairly amazing that everyone got back around the same time, so we must presume that the walkers were given a short cut as well. I barely had time to crack the first beer before the GM had her big battery-operated thingy to her lips and was shouting away. All the hares were invited into the middle to receive remarkably average accolades. It has to be said for virgin Hares Melinda and Patrick that they could have selected better mentors than LBH and Deportee (although the whole thing was probably set by Motalib anyway). Returnees were called in next: Tuneless Cow had been to Berlin, Blow Pipe to Perth and Singapore, Bozo to sunny Worthing, Pussy Pick Up and Goose Bumpy to India and Trek or Treat to Hong Kong. No sooner had he finished his down-down than Bozo politely asked of the GM what had happened to the virgins? After a swift down-down to a chorus of “Why was she born so beautiful”, the virgins were duly called in. Daddy Dunny Gone, Frank, is not surprisingly from Oz and Subuhi is from Canada. It says much about the Canadians, as a nation, that she came with Josh. Philippe is from France and was brought along by the returning Frogs Haqueur Fuqueur, French Kniqueurs, Julie and Stephan who were too cowardly to stand up and be counted as returnees. Finally, Brian is from the US and works for DAO, I think he said, whatever that may be. Leavers Dunny Gone and Hairy Crack are off to Nepal. As was explained above, the running Hares abandoned the trail halfway through the run and led us on-Hare most of the way back. I’m not sure if this was the reason that Bozo called them in, but call them in he did, and had them flat on their backs with beer poured onto gaping mouths from on high. Foreskin reckoned it was the Hash’s answer to waterboarding, which was pretty apt considering the two virgin Hares are CIA. Penis and Blow Pipe dealt with the two virgins whilst Bozo and Challenger performed double honours for LBH. Deportee had obviously realised that this was going to happen and was nowhere to be seen. Mike was next to be picked on for his hot pink Ipod which he insisted on wearing all the way round the run before Pubic Hare was named as a Hash Hero for his DJ work the previous evening at the Hash Bash. This was a really good evening, (so thanks to Bozo and Dunny Gone for the organisation as well) but a notable absentee was Blow Job who was embroiled in a dirty weekend at the Radisson. Talking of Sex, there was a serious case of sex on the hash, or at least the walk, as it appeared that the idea of Subuhi coming with Josh had been taken too literally and the walking Hares had to prize them apart with crowbars every 50 metres or so. Deporteee returned to the circle at this point, all washed and cleaned, and was immediately called in to lie down in the dirt and have beer ppoured over him from a great height. The Hash is nothing if not sensitive to peoples’ feelings. Hash hush was called immediately after this by Motalib as our religious leader was drowning out the prayers of the more devout. A very quiet naming ensued with Mike being called in for his Ipod fetish. Suggestions were a pretty sad Hot Lips from Bozo but a brilliant Ipodophile from, I think, Patrick. Someone then added Pink to this latter suggestion but after brief confusion from the RA as to how many names were being considered, Ipodophile won the day. Goose Bumpy was to be the final sinner for wearing a Hare’s Tee-shirt when she wasn’t actually a Hare, but it transpired that she had been told to do so by LBH, so he was called in for another waterboarding and Sucker, who had been taking photo’s up LBH’s shorts as he was lying there was cordially invited to join him. I’m not too sure what the finale was about but the GM and Warm & Fluffy appeared in a huge grey Tee-shirt, Bozo was invited into the middle and Pubic Hare joined the girls inside the shirt. And last of all I decided that even though I had not been called in for not writing any trash again, I was fed up with getting slagged off every week by the bastard RA for not doing so and presented him with the first edition of the Nash Hash Trash. On On Towed
Returnees
First two Virgins
Other two Virgins
Lying down down-downs
The Great Grey 3-headed beast
Bozo, with the only original hard copy of Nash Hash Trash