DHAKA MIXED HASH – RUN NO 1398			29^th March 2008
Just round the corner from Bata Tongi
The Pack head off into alleged Virgin territory
Hares: Jumpy Bumpy, Slippery Hole, Can’t Pull, Foreskin & Extortionist					Hashers: 48
New Runners: Peter Y, Peter B, Jennie & Julie					Virgins: Ditta
Leavers: Penis, Trek or Treat, Jo, Tuneless Cow, England 6 – Scotland 9, Five-Year-Old-Shit, Pussy Pick Up				Returnees: Penis, Helen
Milestones: Foreskin – 50 Runs (see the self-effacing Tee-shirt)
BEER!!	The Run Fortunately, Can’t Pull got out of the Hare’s truck to tell us all to turn right after typically Aussie short measure of about 1.5km rather than the 2.5 announced at the RV, ensuring that everyone quickly contributed to the traffic chaos as 30 hash trucks tried to do 18-point turns at the end of the lane. The pack, meanwhile was organised and headed off along the drainage embankment into what had been promised as virgin territory. After a brief halt for a check on the bridge we headed off into the paddy with Melinda leading the way. The trail pretty soon came into some nice little villages. We were heading in a generally eastern direction with a few twists and turns to help us to get totally confused and Can’t Pull’s usual deception in leading everyone astray. The exception was as we approached the beer check when he did his smoothie gentleman bit and told Melinda where the correct trail was. You have no chance there mate – Slippery Hole will see to that! The Hares had kept things interesting with some good checks and great trails so it was with welcome relief that we caught up with the walkers at a little red non-sponsor’s (according to the Tee-shirt) truck with BEER in it. There are some pretty wussy runners who managed only to drink the water so some of us had to drink their beer as well. After the beer check the trail was so convoluted that we kept bumping into the walkers but then soon came to a huge open area of fields where all signs of paper disappeared. So, as far as I was concerned, did the rest of the pack until I heard faint cries of “On On” from about a mile away. By this time I was behind the walkers again and only travelling marginally faster than them. It all gets a bit blurred form here, either because of the pain in my legs or the three beers I had at the beer check. The running trails were pretty good, pretty villages with lakes and a banana alley. Eventually we came within sight of the infamous Dhaka Eastern Bypass after more than an hour of running but were not allowed to make a bee-line for it but forced to run another couple of checks. Just as well, really, as Google Earth reveals that a fucking great river was in the way.
It was there when I looked this morning
Bashir in Banana Alley
The Hares (with the one in the middle still not in a Hare shirt)	The Circle The “back for one week only by popular request” GM called the circle to order and invited the Hares to receive their much-deserved accolades of abuse before virgin Ditta showed everyone how to take a down-down. Ditta is another Scandahoolie from Denmark and an intern in their Embassy. Newcomers were the Ball family – Peter, Jenny and Julie plus Peter Y. Peter Y is from Melbourne and has hashed in exotic places like Tonga and Nuaru whilst the Balls have hashed in Turkey and India. Peter B is another one here to fix the roads. Returnees Penis and Helen were welcomed back but then Penis joined a mass of leavers all off for their Easter break and heading in a variety of directions that I could not be arsed making a note of. Penultimate GM’s down-down went to stand in Beer Maid Melinda – I won’t refer to her as a look-alike BM given that no-one want to be compared to Challenger. Finally Hare Foreskin was presented with his 50 run certificate to the foreskin song (for which, incidentally, the final line is “my foreskin hangs down to my knee” not whatever you lot sing. Proceedings were then handed over to RA Bozo who quickly hauled the GM back in for lustily singing the foreskin song when she patently hasn’t got one. However, given her hash name, the circle felt she could be an honorary foreskin owner (although in her case, probably cut short!). Then Bozo launched into a Europhobic attack on the hash’s French community. Apparently Stephan had taken on the role of tour operator and booked four-star accommodation for Haqueur Fucqueur and French Knicqueurs. Sadly the stars were the ones that could be seen through the holes in the tent roof and there was no make up mirror so they daren’t go outside the tent! Bozo made such a meal of this that the hash flash camera got so bored that it turned itself off. His next victim was Foreskin who had obviously been taking lessons from Can’t Pull in misguiding the pack resulting in a half kilometre jaunt for a few of the more gullible. The RA then aplogised to the circle – a highly unusual event – for being late. It was, of course, not his fault. It was the bloody Germans again. Bozo had promised a lift to Bamboo Bender but when we finally found his house he appeared on the balcony looking less than well. Presumably something that he ate as it couldn’t possibly be alcohol-related! Slippery Hole was hauled in to represent her pisshead sovereign race and me and Dunny Gone, who had also apparently promised a lift to Bamboo Bender were duly given a free beer. After Homeless had been given a down-down for complaining about his balls and Bashir for exciting the locals the Running Hares were called in for using the three blobs principle for false trails when it should have been clear to all that most Hashers are seriously numerically challenged and have difficulty remembering what comes after two. Finally, or almost finally, Stefan was called in to be named for his holiday sins. Suggestions were to be along the camping theme and the choice ended up from Le Campeur, On Ze Beetch, Beetch Campeur, Camp It Up and Thomas Fucked It (according to my notes). Hands down winner was On Ze Beetch. The GM then told Bozo to piss off out of the circle and called in second RA Bum Deal. New shoes were her theme, in particular those on the feet of Bozo himself. And finally, Can’t Pull and Jo were called in for flashy shoes. Thanks to the Hares for a great Run On On Towed
Virgin Ditta
New Runners
Easter Break Bunnies
His Oneskin lies over …etc…
Les Beetch Campeurs
Can’t Pull is into Little Kids		On Zee Beetch