DHAKA MIXED HASH – RUN NO 1399			5^th April 2008
South-West of Ashulia			DEPORTEE’S 400^th
Alleged Runners, still fairly close to the start
Hares: Syphie, Head Chopper, Bjorn Again, Pubic Hare, Towed				Hashers: 49
Virgins: Jean-Christian, Samantha, Glenn				New Runner: Head Chopper
Leavers: Ring Master, Geli, Webfart & Towed		Returnees: Ali Wank Bonk, Philippa, Gorf, Sucker, Ring Master, Webfart & Warm & Fluffy
Milestones: Deportee – 400 Runs; Towed – 50 Runs
Bridge	The Run Clearly, starting the walk and the run in different places stretches the intelligence of the majority of hashers, especially the French, to breaking point. Having decided to meet at Pagoda in order to avoid a U-turn and right turn on the main road had we met at Little Italy, it was explained that some cars would be taking walkers to their start after dropping the runners, my car was instantly filled with walkers such that there was no room for me. Eventually, having ejected one, we set off at the tail end of the convoy, leading from behind. Once we got to the drop off next to the huge area zoned for housing, order was more or less restored and the runners headed off into the woods, with Gorf leading the way. The walkers were left to the tender mercies of Pubic Hare who, fortunately, had my driver with him who knew what was supposed to happen. Runners then embarked on a pleasant little loop through a small plantation that took them to the first Check. From here the trail headed generally north-east through bamboo and across fields, eventually crossing a small strip of paddy before re-entering the bamboo. Re-crossing the paddy proved to be something of a problem as water levels had risen quite a bit between the last recce and setting the run, which meant that there was paper either everywhere or nowhere, necessitating a convoluted section “on-Hare” to regain dry land. Despite our best efforts, we failed to lose Homeless at this stage. The trail then headed more or less due south across more open fields to reach a welcome beer check which was, coincidentally, the start of the walk. From here the trail continued south-ish and picked up the same route as run 1367 for a kilometre or so before turning a little west and across a long causeway with a dinky little three-pole bamboo bridge across the river. There is a nice Hindu shrine here, should any reader not on the run wish to know. We skirted a few villages, heading generally back northwards, finally emerging into the cleared wastelands for the housing, not too far from the start. The trail headed straight across a recently bulldozed area which had been turned into a quagmire in places by the recent rains. Who The Fuck Is Alice discovered this too late and ended up shoeless at the end of the run. Note from the photos that Hash Flash, Warm & Fluffy clearly had something going with Ali Wank Bonk
Hill
Bridge
Bog
Hares	The Circle The circle was fairly quickly convened by Webfart once all had returned and, amidst mutterings from the Antipodeans of “too fecking Long”, the Hares were greeted with rapturous accolades from the rest of the pack!! Virgins were then welcomed in the traditional way. Samantha and Glenn are from Sydney and came with Dunny Gone (a fairly infrequent event these days, according to Hairy Crack!) and Jean-Christian is, strangely enough, from France. Visitor and Hare, Head Chopper is one of my lot and out from the UK for a week or so. He’s been trained in the art of down-downs from an early age. Returnees Ali Wank Bonk, Philippa, Gorf, Sucker, Ring Master, Webfart & Warm & Fluffy had, with the exception of the first two, been away at Interhash whilst Ali Wank Bonk has been back in Stockholm and Philippa at home in the UK with Sex-Starved In Srimongal. Leavers were Webfart & Towed, both off to UK for a couple of weeks and Ring Master and Geli who were off goodness knows where. Probably anywhere that wasn’t the Hash. Sad bastards with nothing better to do than Hash were Deportee who has done a stunning 400 runs and me, Towed, with a comparatively paltry 50 runs. RA, Bozo The Clown, then took over proceedings from this nadir and brought back returnee, Gorf and gave him two beers for being a front running mad bastard. Ali Wank Bonk was brought in to demonstrate the longer-term effects of having two beers when one would suffice, and to show Gorf the error of his ways and what he needed to do to become a normal person (or as normal as a Frenchman can get). Kim was next in. So excited had she been to find herself by some freak of fate at the front of the pack that she was oblivious to the calls from the rest of us trying to tell her that we were all turning off to the left to follow the paper. She was possibly scared of having to turn round on the trail, given her demonstration of balancing skills when crossing the paddy areas earlier in the run. Bozo then called for a representative from Customs and Excise. Since Minty wasn’t around, Geli was invited in as a look-alike and asked if he knew the duty free allowances for alcohol for foreigners over the age of 18. Two bottles was the reply. How then, Bozo asked him to explain, was it that a 16-year old was allowed to bring in 8 bottles of vodka for the school party? A down-down for the authorities and the criminal ensued, with Two Bottles brought in to show them both how much two bottles is. Bjorn Again was asked to model the headgear he had been wearing on the walk so that the whole circle could appreciate just what a prat he looked with the label still attached to his hat. Unfortunately the principle of “one Hare drinks, all Hares drink” was called for, costing the Hash valuable beer. Next up was Who The Fuck Is Alice and Subuhi who on previous runs had been inseparable but on this Hash were spotted more than 30 centimetres apart. Who The Fuck Is Alice was asked to remain in the circle and show the state of his shoes and socks. Who The Fuck Is Alice’s Dad thought this was hilarious until it was pointed out that the filthy youth had to travel back in his car! Finally it was the French again, Haqueuer Fuqueuer, French Knicqueurs and Julie (plus token German, Slippery Hole) for spending the entire walk jabbering away in French at 16-year old alcoholic Philippa for the entire walk in an effort to improve her ‘A’-level grade. Well done to the Hares for an absolutely brilliant run – we were great, lads. On On Towed
Virgins
They all came back specially for my run!
Done it 400 times
Bozo & Friend
The French Collection