DHAKA MIXED HASH – RUN NO 1402			26^th April 2008
5km South of Pagoda			Camel Jockey’s 425^th
The Runners, suitably posed, except for Homeless wandering off for a piss
Hares: Camel Jockey, Deportee, Motalib, Melinda, Lip Service, Queen Who, Hash Who				Hashers: 58
Virgins: Ben, Andres				New Runners: none
Leavers: Five-Year-Old-Shit, The Dawgs, Mad Cow, Dunny Gone, Jumpy Bumpy, Extortionist		Returnees: Five-Year-Old-Shit, Webfart, Rocks-Off & Towed
Milestones: Camel Jockey – 425 Runs; Sucker – 225 Runs
The Hash embarks	The Run 5.5km south along the road from the ‘A’ point we encountered the start of the run and the ferry. This was after an exciting ride out to Pagoda, dogged by some bastards behind in big Landcruisers with flashing lights, sirens, bull horns and guns who eventually forced us off the road and turned out to be fellow ex-Himalayan Hasher, Over Exposed making a surreptitious entry to the DMHHH (well, ok, he’d already done two runs but I wasn’t there to see it). At least he’ll have his own help when his armour-plated, bullet-proof 4 ton monster sinks into the mud in the monsoon, and not have to rely on other Hashers to haul it out as was the case in Kathmandu. Anyway, like Run 1386, which was not quite so far down the road (and done by much the same bunch of Hares, but minus the Bumpies) the run started with a wobbly ferry ride across the river before we were told to check it out. Despite the attractions of open country to the south, favoured by Foreskin, Blow Pipe and me, the Hares took us west through the village and up to the first check. From here we wove a generally westwards path with a few meanderings to the north and south. One point of note was the bamboo bridge in the middle of a swamp that didn’t quite reach either side. A good number of wusses took their shoes and socks off and paddled out to the bridge (Geli and Lip Service to name but two). Pussy Pick up was a bit of a wuss as well, trotting along beside the fit-to-bursting Pickled Pussy, clearly concerned that she might drop the sprog at any time and not doing his usual running around at the front like a loonie. We must be one of the few Hashes that has a 39.5-week-pregnant Exceedingly Bumpy actually running on the Hash (to be fair it was more of troddle - a trot crossed with a waddle). No doubt they’ll both be back to front running next week after it has arrived. I hope they’re not too sensitive about me calling it “it”. All babies are “it”s for some considerable time – I have a 20-year old who is still an “it”. Sometimes they get even more “it”-ish as they grow older (e.g. Who The Fuck Is Alice). But I digress. So, it was left up to Gorf to run around like an idiot at the front on his own, occasionally finding paper but miles off it, more often than not. In fact, for once, I managed to find quite a bit myself, aided and abetted by Can’t Pull. Did I mention yet that the paper was a bit sparse? No? Well it was, resulting in some fairly chaotic checking even when there wasn’t supposed to be a check. Camel Jockey was the most confused – we were following him for a while on the assumption that he knew where he’d laid the paper but he hadn’t a friggin’ clue, so we eventually buggered off and left him. It’s all very well trying to reduce the Hash’s carbon footprint by saving paper, but a bit fuckin’ pointless when it requires around 18 litres of turbo-diesel engine operating at about 3 gallons per kilometre to get Over-Exposed to the Hash and back! At one point near the end there was a diplomatic incident – Foreskin fell in a ditch. Nothing unusual in that, I hear you say, but this time he was sober! Anyway, with little thanks to the Hares we eventually found our way back, ‘eventually’ being the operative word. We were advised that a check encountered after about 70 minutes of running was the last check, and sure enough, we could soon see vehicles. However, these turned out not to be the Hash chariots, but a few mini-buses parked on a side road and whilst the check was the last one we stopped for, there were a couple more marked that were ignored. Twenty minutes later we straggled in, back to the same place we started from, having passed through a very scattered walking pack in the final ten minutes. Distance – 10 bloody kilometres Time – 90 friggin’ minutes, if not more Cartilage loss in my right knee - total
J-B gets a hand through the shiggy
Shiggy Feet
Geli the wuss
Just to prove there were hills
A lost Hare asks the way!
Hashers head for the sunset
Hares (minus Queen Who?)	The Circle Since it was pitch dark by the time the circle got established under a total lack of control by new GM, Warm and Fluffy (now I’m no longer dependent on her for Hash Flash, I can slag her off much more). She said she would do it when she was ready, which probably explains why Webfart has so much time to get pissed. Anyway because of all the above, or at least some of it, I did not take any notes so am reliant on the photos taken by the wonderfully dedicated new Hash Flash, Lip Service, for information as to what went on. First in, after the Hares got their due desserts, were virgins Ben and Andres. Both are Marines from a big continent somewhere west of Shannon. Lots of leavers (Five-Year-Old-Shit, The Dawgs, Mad Cow, Dunny Gone, Jumpy Bumpy, Extortionist) going God knows where, although somewhat unusually, Doug and Show Dawg were not headed for Texarse. There is no photographic record of Returnees but I do recall that I was one of them, having come back from 2 weeks hard labour in the UK. Webfart had been there too, but further south, and I can’t recall who else came back. Five-Year-Old-Shit apparently did, according to the Hash sheet, and it also says Rocks Off did but she, along with a good number of others, had buggered off before the circle started. Perhaps that was the GM’s intent in delaying the circle – to save money on beer, bearing in mind the comments in the “Treasurer’s” report from the AGM. (does “Treasurer” really mean Hash Cash?) The GM finally introduced the two “get-a lifers”: Camel Jockey who has done a magnificent 425 runs (and probably Hared at least one in five of them) and Sucker who has done a slightly less impressive 225 runs (well, 226 actually, but the new Hash Stats is still serving her apprenticeship and can’t be expected to get things like that right). Then W&F handed over to stand-in RA, Five-Year-Old-Shit, so who really cares what happened next. Here goes anyway. FYOS first hauled in a selection of walkers, the Dawgs, and the two Bumpys – Jumpy and Goose and someone else, possibly for not wanting wet and muddy feet, before taking sympathy on Homeless and giving him a free beer for goodness knows what reason – probably using his handphone more than three times on the run. New (and still lacking a hash name) Mismanagement Member Jo was the next victim – not sure why, but on the basis of an email from her to the GM that I intercepted this week (“sorry I can’t make the first mismanagement meeting but don’t put my name forward for anything”) she deserves it for controlled enthusiasm. The next four down-downs went to: - LBH and Extortionist – an odd couple - Geli – probably for being a wuss - W&F herself – possibly for fucking up the circle and - Virgin Ben or Andres, plus ex-GM Penis. FYOS then decided that Kasey could not be Hash Flash without having a Hash name (actually it was because she gabbed off all the way round the run) and felt that she should have something suitable. He came up with Chatterbox, soon bastardised to Shut-Her-Box and Geli offered Lip Service (no, not to her, you fool – for a name ….. I think) and a couple of other alternatives were offered which I can’t recall and which fittingly received no votes in the first round. In the final round of voting, ‘Lip Service’ triumphed by a small margin. Webfart received the penultimate down-down for an unknown reason and finally Gorf was called in for trying to cultivate bilharzia and sundry other water-borne diseases by being an impatient bastard and swimming the river at the end of the run because he couldn’t be arsed waiting for the ferry. Before all the announcements, and demonstrating her inability to remain out of the circle now she’s no longer GM, Penis made a presentation to Over Exposed. Not only did she not know his Hash name, but didn’t know his real name either, so called for His Highness the American Ambassador, Sir, Your Honour, in order to present him with a Hash Tee shirt which he had apparently been lacking in his previous runs here. Penis’ generosity knows no bounds as the gift proved to be the large grey bag featured on the Great Grey Three-headed beast in the circle on Run 1393. If it’s a bit baggy, Jim, you now know why. Multiple announcements of numerous hashes followed – main thing to note was Aussie BBQ tonight (as I write) and Saturday’s run which should be a stonker. Be there. On On Towed
Sad bastards
Lip Service
If it’s a bit baggy, Jim …….
……. here’s why
Does anyone recognise these?
Not his!!!