DHAKA MIXED HASH – RUN NO 1406				16^th May 2008
Special Scandahoolie Run				Tongi
Hares: LBH, Trude, Ditte, Can’t Text, Liv, Kristian, Ellen, Can’t Pull and Pubic Hare					Hashers: 40
Virgins: Jan, Else, Haider, Jackie, Eiker, Anders, Jannick, Nicolas, Ellen, Peter					New Runner: Kent
Leavers: Horse’s Arse & Bum Deal			Returnees: Bum Deal & Horse’s Arse
Idle Bastards supposed to be running	The Run Can’t Text is clearly a workshop and seminar specialist as his briefing was more like an opening speech. Once he had declared the hash well and truly open, Can’t Pull told us where we were going and fortunately remembered at the last minute to tell us to turn right just up the road otherwise the pack would have ended up halfway to Mymensingh. After spending about half an hour queuing to get past an obstructive digger on the Kaliganj road we finally found our way to the start point about a kilometre south of this road on the infamous Dhaka Eastern Bypass. Once we were all assembled the Hares were kind enough to point the way to the first paper. Mind you, given that it was Can’t Pull doing the pointing, the paper could have been anywhere. However on this occasion he was not being misleading and we set off into some excellent virgin territory to the east of the road (led off by virgin Hares Trude and Kristian – they cottoned on later to the fact that the rest of the pack are supposed to find the way!). For the first few checks the walkers were able to keep up with the runners, primarily because most of the runners were walking but also thanks to the devious Hares setting numerous false trails (so clearly LBH hadn’t been allowed to lay the paper). The runners eventually disappeared off in another direction and we were left in peace to wend our way through villages and across fields for a while. The Hares had done an excellent job of setting the trails as runners and walkers met up at a good number of the subsequent checks. So good was the country for running that I was tempted into joining the runners, but saw the painful light of day after only a couple more checks and reverted to walking. The trail took a big clockwise loop to end up not too far from the finish point of run 1398 – another Can’t Pull triumph. The walkers managed a final shortcut that brought them to the On-In ahead of the runners by 5 minutes or so. Runners were seen mostly coming in on paper with the notable exception of Bozo who arrived from a completely different direction. Apparently this had been his theme for the day of getting totally fucking lost. All in all a great run, so well done to the Scandahoolie Hares and their assistants.
Scandahoolies on the run
The Runners
Her last run as Melinda
Virgin Hares	The Circle The circle got off to something of a troublesome start with the GM calling in the virgin Hares but getting all the virgins in as well and having to send them all back, which didn’t really work as more kept coming in. Eventually Bozo and Towed decided that a little polite advice was called for, to which the GM took great exception and called in these two for a little S&M with her whip. With order eventually restored and the contrite pair put in their places, all the Hares were called in to face the judgment of the pack which was, in a couple of words, “fantastic run”. There were simply too many virgins to mention – key ones being the Danish Ambassador who, like Foreskin, isn’t deemed important enough for an Over Exposed type entourage. Also Jackie, who is a shelf stacker for Tesco from the UK, and Haider who is a movie director and from Bangladesh. The rest were Scandahoolies of various descriptions, all dragged along by Trude. New Runner Kent is from Sweden and last hashed 20 years ago in Laos. He claims to have forgotten his hash name, so it must have been something seriously disgusting! Peter has returned from nowhere but hasn’t run for a while, and Bum Deal and Horse’s Arse are back from their visa run to Darjeeling. So much do those two love this place that they’re leaving again immediately to go trekking in Sikkim. Proceedings were then reluctantly handed over to Bozo, who was having one of those days. He launched into some cock and bull story about Can’t Text being a development worker and wearing a Mission Impossible T-shirt – an admission of reality! Tall Man was next in for wearing a red T-shirt when he wasn’t a Hare, or was supposed to be a running Hare or something. The T-shirt was fed to a nearby goat. Five-Year-Old Shit was done for inviting one of the svelte young blond Scandahoolie Hares into the adjacent haystack and Beer Maid Melinda was called in for giving down-downs with big head. Bozo reminded the circle that Melinda has no hash name as yet (although FYOS thought it was Euston for some bizarre reason) and thought that the circle should dwell on her beer pouring profligacy when thinking of something suitable. Running Hares were called in en masse with LBH forced to lie down in the middle of them (the wuss had a towel underneath him) as they had sinned grievously. Bozo pointed out that when someone as impotent as he is gets lost, then the Hares must stop the run and search far and wide until he is found, not just say “bugger it” and carry on. Bozo feels that he is so impotent he should actually be carried around the run in a sedan chair borne by the Hares. Although the Hash Lothario, Cloth Balls was not around, it did not prevent one of the young Harriettes admitting the she was desperate to get into his trousers. Bozo called for the guilty party to admit freely of her guilt to escape a more dire retribution and a reluctant Lip Service eventually stepped forward. Representatives of Sylhet, KBKC and Pubic Hare, were then called forward to advise when the Sylhetti revolution was going to happen now that the evil Dhaka government had named Saifur Rahman along with 11 other abscondees in the Gatco case. Horse’s Arse’s new shoes were so new that he still had the bag and box that they came in. As a result, he was obliged to take two down-downs – one from the bag and another from the shoe. Bozo was gentle with him, as the bag could have held a lot more beer if he’d wanted to. There followed a brief moment of self glorification for Bozo – absolutely fuck-all to do with the hash – who had his picture in New Age, looking even porkier than he is in reality, with his fingers down some bird’s throat. That’s not the way it should be done, mate. As if responding to the issue of poking things down throats, Melinda was called in to be named. Despite offers of Gives Huge Head, Can’t Give Head and Sister Belinda, Tattooed Tart was the overwhelming favourite. Finally, official thanks were given to organisers and sponsors and the circle broke up as it started, in absolute fucking chaos as all rushed to get food tickets from Trude. The journey home, if a tad slow, was an absolute hoot! It started with a jam not far from the On-In when Lip Service decided she would get out and have a chat with Bum Deal, at which point Can’t Pull exerted his financial influence over the guy on traffic duty. 5km later Bozo took the call from Lip Service saying that she was still running along the road trying to catch us. It ended in Utarra with Goose Bumpy hanging out of the window giving a passable imitation of Over-Exposed’s usual entourage and Towed scuttling around under other cars rescuing beers that Tattooed Tart had tossed at him. The eventual safe arrival of all at the Nordic Club heralded the start of an excellent evening and BBQ. Many thanks to Trude, the Nordic Club and sponsors Hifab for making this an exceptional day. When is the next one?? On On Towed
Contrite bastards
The rest of the Hares
Virgins
New Runner
Running Hares
New Shoes with a difference
Gives Big Head is now officially …..		……. Tattooed Tart