DHAKA MIXED HASH – RUN NO 1408			24^th May 2008
TATTOOED TART’S FAREWELL RUN (Although she doesn’t leave ‘til after next week’s run)			North of Ashulia
This was at the start of the Run at around 16.00!
Hares: Tattooed Tart, Camel Jockey, Hash Who?, Queen Who?, Deportee & Motalib				Hashers:
Virgins: Sherry, Kabir & Noor				New Runners: none
Leavers: none		Returnees: Webfart, Ali Wank Bonk, Hairy Crack & Dunny Gone
Milestones: Goose Bumpy – 125 Runs
Briefing in the dry	The Run OHHHH!!!! DID IT FUCKING RAIN?? Having congregated in gathering gloom at Big Italy it got gloomier and gloomier as we headed north to the start of the run. Once everyone was there, the circle was called together by GM Warm & Fluffy and the heavens opened. It just pissed down, so much so that cameras were hastily returned to cars and there are no photos of the run or walk. The odd few daft twats who find mobile phones indispensable found that they stopped functioning within a couple of seconds. Visibility was reduced so much that Virgins Kabir and Noor, and nearly new runner Kristin couldn’t see the walkers and had to go on the run! I haven’t a clue where we went or what happened – we just put our heads down and followed Motalib, and even he got lost at one stage! The rain was so heavy, it hurt. Virgin Sherry was like a kid let out of school, stomping in puddles and trying to splash everyone else. A bit pointless really, given that everyone was soaked within a minute anyway, but it kept her happy. Needless to say, the walk was fairly short and we were back in 40 minutes or so and well into the second beer by the time that the runners returned 20 minutes later. They all thought that it was great and I admit to a degree of jealousy, as running in the rain with disgustingly soggy and slippery conditions underfoot is serious fun. Best of all is watching all the crashes, especially when it’s a bumpy. Although the rain had eased back to a steady downpour by this stage, the proposed site for the On-In was ankle deep in muddy water so it was decided to head back to Big Italy for the circle.
All of that fell on us!
The Hares	The Circle Once everyone had managed to change into dry-ish clothing GM Warm & Fluffy called the circle to order and the Hares into the middle. The circle must have still been in shock as there was barely any comment (to be honest, what could be said other than “too dry!”). There followed one of the crappiest versions of the Hares song that it has been my privilege to endure. Virgins were Sherry from India who was dragged along by Pubic Hare and is here with her husband; Kabir who is from Dhaka and into freight forwarding, so presumably has something to do with Can’t Pull, and Noor. Not sure what Noor does but I think he came with Kabir. Returnees were Webfart who had been away in Oxford, Ali Wank Bonk who has been hiding in Sweden, Dunny Gone who claimed to have been back in Oz whilst his missus, Hairy Crack, had only made it as far as Thailand, presumably for some retail therapy. GOOSE BUMPY HAS DONE 125 RUNS AND LOTS OF HARING so she got a nice certificate. She must have been here a long time without finding something worthwhile to do on Saturdays. Finally, Tattooed Tart was called in as a permanent leaver, only she isn’t actually leaving until after the next run. Work that out if you can. RA Webfart then took over the proceedings, so clearly things were not going to get any more rational. Mammary obsession was his first theme, with the incredible revelation that women’s tits are different from men’s. How fucking long has it taken him to work that out? However, in an attempt to disprove this theory Dunny Gone and Penis were called in (an obvious significant difference in the distance of the tits from ground is immediately apparent) and Challenger invited in for the touch test. I’m not sure what his decision was because Back Door Man intervened with the revelation that men’s tits are more sensitive than women (possibly because he has so much fun playing with his own and has, in any case, forgotten what it is like with a woman). Further testing was carried out by Challenger who was going to be in serious trouble if he decided that the winner was not Penis. Next in was Deputy Dawg for taking a phone call on the walk and proceeding to divulge his complete medical history to the caller. Probably a wrong number! Then Virgin Sherry was called back in. As mentioned above, she had happily splashed her way around the walk, and if she’d had wellies on they would have been full within three minutes of the start. Anyway, the real reason for bringing her in was to set an example for the seasoned hasher of some 550 runs – LBH – who had remained remarkably dry throughout by the simple means of staying in his car. Motalib was then called in for getting lost in his own back yard. Leading the walkers through the rain we had come to an asphalt road where he confidently turned left. We happily followed on with Pubic Hare regaling us with tales of how he managed to get lost by the small matter of a few miles when setting a run with Bozo, Webfart and me a few months back, as it was here that he had ended up despite the GPS that he was carrying. In the meantime trucks and cars were flying past us with horns blaring. But I digress. All of a sudden Motalib turned round and headed back towards us looking very sheepish and saying “on-back”! In his urgency to drink, Motalib swallowed too soon and had to do it all over again. Chicken Fucker should have got his 275^th Run certificate and would have done in the good old days before the draconian rule of the new hash mismanagement. However, with a Hare ratio of only 3.69% I reckon he needs to Hare at least three more times before he’s entitled to his 275 plus 13 Hares Certificate. Jackie was then called in for the cardinal sin of wearing a DHHH tee shirt on the Mixed hash. A fairly gentle anointment with nothing worse than water followed. Finally there was some sort of crap about the quality of the T-shirts – there’s gratitude for you! Foreskin it was who complained that most of the design had washed off within ten minutes of the start of the run, but are we bovvered? Quite rightly he got a kneeling down-down with the addition of ice by W&F and here predecessor Penis (who is still finding it difficult to stay out of the circle). Then it was on-pizza downstairs and a song or two. Many thanks to Tattooed Tart for laying this on and for a great run (I think). On On Towed
Virgins
Returnees
125 Runs
Permanent Leaver (next week)
Mine are higher than yours!
Wet & Dry