iziDHAKA MIXED HASH – RUN NO 1416						28^th June 2008
SYPHIE’S LAST RUN (AND BJORN AGAIN’S)						Cantonment Station
So Many Hashers Happy to See Syphie and Bjorn Again Leaving
Hares: Syphie, Bjorn Again, Lip Service, LBH, Ipodophile & Towed							Hashers: 58
Virgins: none		New Runners: Rock Cleaner, Hammerhead, Peter & Ann Walton
Leavers: Lip Service, Rowdy, Hairy Crack, Patrick					Returnees: Horse’s Arse, Bum Deal, Lucy Scott, Deportee, Hairy Crack, Gorf
Bozo actually on paper	The Run An amazing number of Hashers gathered for the double bonus of getting rid of Syphie and Bjorn Again in one day! In a first for the DMH3, tasteful tee shirts were handed out at the start with no rude words on them and some banal literary quotation from Mr. Kipling or someone similar, about how wonderful Dacca was. There were even acknowledgments of both the picture and quotation. Fortunately, it looks as if, after one wash by my maid, it will all wear off fairly quickly, so the shirts were obviously a Sucker product. The route to the first check was obviously laid in an effort to reduce numbers as it headed into the station and across the main railway line. Amazingly everyone stopped whilst the train passed and then continued to the junction at the north side of DOHS. Here the runners headed off to the east while the walkers continued south to the path alongside the stream feeding Gulshan Lake. Apparently the runners headed off through shanties, bazaars and general filth and were not seen again until close to the end of the run. Meanwhile the walkers took the fairly familiar route down the lakeside eventually ending up at Bjorn Again’s mansions near the German Club. Bozo demonstrated once again how camera shy he is by appearing in only six of the nine photographs of the run. There also seemed to be a fair degree of breaking of rules 1, 3, 5, 6, … etc of the hash as scenes of individual rape, mass rape and Rocks Off trying to get in there as well (no chance – she doesn’t look in the least bit like a bloke!). Walk and run came together around the American School, or at least should have come together as the paper was laid through the park but none of the runners decided to follow it and headed straight down UN Road to the main junction. They nearly all tried the walkers’ trail across the bridge but eventually, with the exception of Patrick, had to do the extra loop down the far side of the lake and back north to the On-In. This resulted in the walkers having lots of time to drink the beer before any runners appeared.
Over-Exposed is lost, Bozo’s a fairy
The reason why Rocks Off joins the lads
Bozo attempts individual rape, Tall Man’s revenge as Bozo is gang-banged and finally the whole melee is about to be bombed by the Pakistani Air Force in a demonstration of its homophobic intolerance. Rocks Off lives in hope or desperation.
Hares	The Circle Once the Hares had been awarded their due accolades, stand-in GM, Geli called in the four new runners, their either being no virgins or he’d fucked up the process once again. Only two of the four had stayed for the circle, these being Hammerhead, who claimed the Mother Hash was in Blantyre but had also hashed in Ankara, and Rock Cleaner who had previously hashed in Connecticut sorry, North Carolina or was from there or something. God knows what happened to the six listed returnees – clearly another stand-in GM fuck-up. Leavers were Rowdy, off to Melbourne; Lip Service, off sex touring in Jaipur; Patrick, off to Connecticut, North Carolina and Texarse; and Hairy Crack who was heading for Kathmandu again. Permanent Leavers were called in individually. Bjorn Again, the lucky bastard, is heading for Riyadh. Everyone I know who has lived in Riyadh say that they have never drunk so much in their lives. On the basis of his performance in Dhaka, Bjorn Again will clearly have his work cut out when he gets to the Kingdom! Syphie, we believe, is bound for the Democratic Republic of Congo where, if some of the tales are true, he will be appearing on the menu of local restaurants should he choose to visit the eastern part of the country. Both the permanent leavers were close to milestones, Bjorn Again having done 48 hashes and Syphie 95. Both were required to do the necessary number of laps of the circle to reach their milestones with Syphie taking a couple of false trails and a shortcut. Does this mean that if your hare ratio isn’t up to the mark when you leave, you’ll be required to lay paper around the circle a few times before receiving your leaver’s certificate? We should record at this juncture that the origins of Syphie’s name were finally revealed. No, it was nothing to do with the frequency of his visits to the local pox doctor but a somewhat more artistic origin, based in song. There is an old hash/rugby song about the Lady of the Manor riding to the Ball, the chorus of which involves the words “syphie-ay-aye, syphie-ay-oh” which Syphie was found to be singing most lustily. A pretty poor excuse for a name – visits to the pox doctor sound much more like him! Belated recognition of three of the returnees – Gorf (who was not on the list), Bum Deal and Horse’s Arse was then grudgingly granted by the GM before handing things over to the picture perfect Bozo. Being the tolerant and understanding sort of bloke that he is, first candidates for admonition were the combined stand-in mismanagement of GM, Geli and Hash Cash, Five-Year-Old-Shit. Bozo even confessed to praying for the return of the Ginger Nazis because these two were a pile of dogs’ dod-doo. He then totally unjustly called me in for insinuating that the fact that he had mud on his back meant that he had been lying down with his wick in the air. My fellow walking Hare, Ipodophile was next for rousing him at 10.00 that morning when he was still in the recovery position. His fault for accepting a gin and tonic made by Five-Year-Old-Shit at around 2.00 a.m. Then it was the turn of Rowdy, who had forgotten the high tech Aussie can crusher demonstrated at the Aussie club on Thursday, so had to give a hand demonstration with me as his gorgeous assistant. The run had taken in some notable landmarks, most notably Hacqueuer Fucqueuer’s place as On Zee Beetch was overheard to announce “ah! Zere is Nicole’s boudoir” at one point. What Bozo wanted to know was how, exactly, was he so certain of this information. All this was interrupted by the need for Lip Service to find a couple of new batteries for her thingy. Anyway, just so that he could be sure that he understood, Bozo called in Gorf as interpreter and proceeded to hold a conversation in perfect Franglais with much use of the term “jiggy-jiggy”. Finally, or at least the final part of this charge, French Knicqueuers was called in to ensure full representation of the French for a rendition of the Hashellaise. Continuing the “jiggy-jiggy” theme, Kristin was called in next to explain the precise wording of her contract with a nameless INGO that apparently specifically excluded such activity, giving her something of a dilemma as her fiancé was arriving in a couple of days expecting his fair share of the aforementioned activity. Bozo called upon the generosity of her fellow hashers to offer more palatable alternatives to the broom cupboard of her office. Moving from straight sex into S&M (no, its not a soft drinks manufacturer) Lips Service and Gorf were invited into the circle. Apparently Gorf had been seen being the worst ever Hasher in front of this gullible virgin Hare, so she was invited to pick up a nice whippy stick and give him a good thrashing. If I ever take it into my head to indulge in a spot of S&M, I’ll knw where not to look. I’ve never seen such a wimpish attempt to inflict pain on a Frenchman (or any other man for that matter). Max Moseley – where are you? Next in was the photogenic Bashir who had been overheard asking locals where the trail went when most of the pack were in front of him calling “on-on”. Then it was Syphie back in the circle again to be congratulated on the tasteful inoffensive and highly attractive T-shirts. The old rule of “one Hare drinks, all Hares drink” was quoted, so the lot of us were back in for a wee refresher. Finally, or at least finally for Bozo, Kristin was called back in to be named. A fair achievement given the number of runs she’s been on. When it was revealed that she worked for Vision Express, visitor Hammerhead came up with “Specs before Marriage”. Other offers were Between the Sheets, Cumming Together, Room to Cum, and Chaste Whore. In a tight vote, strongly disputed by Dunny Gone, Chaste Whore won by a short head from Room to Cum, much to the relief of Kristin. Some final waffle about Bozo having some special chocolate bars and me being hauled in again for not remembering that I was a leaver saw the end to the proceedings. On On, Towed
Visitors
Leavers
Belated Returnees
Mad Aussie can crusher
Ooh look! Its sticking up in the air!
Christine’s Kristining
TWO MORE BITE THE DUST (Syphie did burst into tears later)