DHAKA MIXED HASH – RUN NO 1419						19^th July 2008
ISD Bashundhara
Dhaka’s New Trainee Rickshaw Pullers (notice that no-one is prepared to sit in Bozo’s)
Hares: Kabir, Mashiur, LBH, Geli & Sucker							Hashers: 38
Virgins: Rebecca, Rikke							Visitor: Anne
Leavers: Bozo the Clown, Comic Stripper				Returnees: Delwar, Lip Service, Towed
Milestones: Hairy Crack – 50 Runs
		The Run Hash Stats announced at the end of the run: Run 60 minutes – Walk 90 minutes. What on earth possessed the walking Hares or did they just, in their virginal innocence, believe that it was compulsory on city runs to pass the GN’s residence to pay homage? I have, however, to lay the blame firmly at the feet of the vastly experienced running Hares who abandoned these two poor chaps to their fate, clearly without any guidance as to what was required of them. The notable quote from Kabir was: “it was it was only 4.8 kilometres when I recce’d it in my car!” Remember, never buy a used vehicle from this man as the mileage showing on the clock will be 30% less than what it should be. Liv and Comic Stripper got their just desserts, having bottled out of the run in case the two young bumpy Scandahoolie virgins, Rikke and Rebecca, got lost on the walk. So, Bjorn Again, if you’re reading this from your cell in Riyadh, note that Scandies are supposed to bring young bumpies to the Hash, not people shaped like Carl Fredrik! (LBH, please note that I’m doing my best for you). So, after a few miles down the main highway, playing chicken with buses and side-stepping the broken drain covers, we finally entered the tranquillity of Baridhara. In fairness, it was all fairly tranquil from this point on as we headed straight across to the lakeside and down onto North Avenue. The runners had managed to catch up with us at this stage (in all probability their run was almost finished). Then we headed back up the west side of the lake with runners, pausing for a photocall at the end of Road 87 before continuing up the lakeside. By this stage, Kabir was prepared to give away a few secrets about the B point. He said it was a restaurant somewhere near the Bagha. Since we were heading north, a direction 180 degrees opposed to that in which the Bagha lay, and we’d been going for about an hour at this stage, we assumed that he must have meant the old Bagha. Not so, as we found ourselves heading west before we reached there, past the American Club and on to Road 63. Offering a respectful two fingered salute as we passed our glorious leader’s residence, we paused at the field to wait for the rest of the pack, then it was on-south again. Shit, he did mean the new Bagha and that’s fucking miles yet. By this stage there’s a degree of restlessness developing but the Hares remain smilingly unaware of this. OK, so we could have got there through Gulshan but why ruin a marathon by shortcutting? So it was on down the wrong side of Banani lake, eventually on to Kamal Ataturk and then, surprisingly a direct route to a little dog-eating restaurant opposite Samdado’s where the runners awaited us.
	This is what I have to fucking work with – all I get is three crappy under-exposed and blurred pictures of the run. I suppose it provides a counterpoint to the magnificent prose! I can safely say this, having successfully defended the libel case brought against me for previous criticism of Hash Flash later in the day’s proceedings!
	The Walk – all fucking 6.8 kilometres of it
	At this point, the Runners had about 500 metres and the Walkers 3 kilometres left to go!
	The wonderful Hares	The Circle So we all trooped up the beautiful clean stairs into the beautiful clean dining room for the circle! Most of the runners were pissed by the time we got there, having had to wait a full half hour for us to arrive. (ok, that’s it guys – no more snide remarks about the length of the walk). The Hares were called in to receive the accolades of the pack – the run was ok but I can’t, for the life of me, remember what was said about the walk! Next up were virgins Rikke and Rebecca, both from Copenhagen and visiting Liv. However, before they could take their down-downs, the Cigar Police in the form of a large irate Antipodean had to chase cigar smoking Kabir out of the circle. With order suitably restored (although background noise from various private parties was tending to drown out the GM) Visitor Anne was called in. She’s from Toronto and has hashed in Bhutan and Yogyakarta. However, she should have known better than not to wear a hash shirt to the Hash and so the now cigar-less Kabir was called in as a spot drinker. Returnees were Del Boy, Lip Service, Towed and Moshiur. Emily and Hairy Crack both tried to horn in for a free drink as they’d been away again (I can understand why Hairy Crack goes away a lot, but would you keep coming back if it was to live in Dkaha with Dunny Gone?) but since their names were not on the sheet they were thrown out (but judging from the photo, HC managed to weasel her way in). Lip Service had been sex touring in India again, not sure where Del had been and I’d been back in the UK, doing it myself for two weeks. Leavers were Bozo and Comic Stripper. Bozo’s project has decided that it needs a prolonged break from his presence so he was off to the UK to do it himself for 6 weeks, and Comic Stripper was probably off back to Denmark. Their down downs were accompanied by a quick chorus of “leaving on a jet plane”. Finally from the GM, Hairy Crack was awarded her 50 Runs certificate. RA Bozo then took over and immediately called in the noisy bastards. First to be called in and made to lie on the floor and shut up was Homeless, shortly followed by Sucker and Moshiur. Whilst they were thus disciplined, Foreskin was invited to explain exactly what he had been doing on the run, chatting up an old hag who was offering massage and good sucking. In the midst of all this there was a brief power cut, allowing Homeless to leg it out of the circle, but he was soon caught and brought back. Chaste Whore, Emily and Liv were then appointed to carry out the “two-mug” down-downs – drink their own and at the same time pour the other, from altitude, down the throat of the recumbent sinners. Some of us had noticed, as the start of the run was taking place, Lip Service and Emily disappearing quietly round the corner and into the school. LS had decided at this late stage that she needed to pee and then spent 10 minutes doing so (she must have needed it). Bozo, being the gentleman that he is, had waited for their return and then spent a further 10 minutes in the car searching for the runners. They eventually spotted Foreskin so leaped out to the car and ran off to join him. Sadly (and they really should have expected this) Foreskin had no idea where the pack was either as he was miles off paper. A squatting down down-down ensued. Bozo then moved on to a more serious affair, namely the alleged libel against the Hash Flash by the Scribe in the write-up of Crusty Lobster’s farewell weekend. A couple of heavyweight defence lawyers were called, acting for the complainant was Barrister Webfart and for the defendant, Barrister Foreskin. Cases were eloquently put for and against but the result was an overwhelming victory for the defendant, who had the evidence on his side, cleared unanimously by the Hash Court on all counts and now seeking punitive damages in the form of MORE FUCKING RUN PHOTOS, YOU USELESS COW! The Hares were called back in, running Hares to receive credit for a run length that was just about right and the walking Hares for one that wasn’t – far too long and via everywhere. I won’t dwell on the 6.8 kilometre length of the walk as I promised above to stop slagging off the friggin’ useless Hares. An event that had absolutely no relation to the Hash was then commemorated. The Hash throughout the world is known for its ability to sing. However, whoever blessed Dunny Gone with the singing genes got it sadly wrong. At the Thursday night karaoke session at the Aussie club he plumbed new depths with a score of nil point nil, nil, nil points. (sorry, Europhile joke – please pronounce in a French accent). Lots of people were wearing new shoes – visitor Anne, Emily, Del Boy, Kabir and a man with no name (according to LBH) so they all got a cheesy down-down. Bozo was by this time all tuckered out so proceedings were brought to a close. Only at this point was it revealed that there was a buffet dinner to follow, sponsored by none other than the fantastic 6.8km walking Hares, Kabir and Moshiur. I take it all back, fellas. It was a great walk and a good on-in site, (being within easy staggering distance of the next port of call, the Bagha). Thanks very much for making the effort to give everyone a bloody good Hash. On On Towed
	Virgins Rikke and Rebecca
	Visitor and spot drinker
	Returnees
	Leavers – why so happy?
	She’s done it 50 times (and at least twice with Dunny Gone)
	Hag chatter
	Double down-downs		The case for the prosecution		The defence produce the irrefutable evidence