DHAKA MIXED HASH – RUN NO 1422				2^nd August 2008
Bamboo Forest North of Ashulia – FYOS Farewell Run
The happy pack before the start
Hares: Warm & Fluffy, Five-Year-Old-Shit, Bum Deal, Pubic Hare & Motalib					Hashers: 51
Virgins: Paula, Andrea, Shameem					Visitor: Gustav
Leavers: Horse’s Arse, Bum Deal		Returnees: Tuneless Cow, Booty Shaker (and unlisted Rocks Off)
Milestones (and I nearly forgot!): Pubic Hare – 150 Runs; Bum Deal- 150 Runs.
Permanent Leaver: Five-Year-Old-Shit
Homeless stops for a dump with his pants still on	The Run Ahhhh! Wonderful to get out into the country after what seems like weeks of town runs. If this is what we get when FYOS leaves for ever, why couldn’t the bastard have done it before? (And more frequently). After a short drive we disembarked in the middle of the road, causing a considerable traffic jam (one bus and a rickshaw) before heading off through the village and towards the floods. God knows where the runners went. On reflection, the direction they took looked as if it was going to shortcut the walk. Dunny Gone had to be re-directed, having not understood any of the words in “runners – first paper that way”. And that was the last we saw of them. The walk was populated almost exclusively by people with cameras who, had it still been the days of film, would have used about three rolls each. Did anyone send me a single pic of the walk? Not fucking likely! To cap that, Lip Service got all arty on me (see photos below) so the photos of the run are a bit different. Anyway, the walk was very pleasant, down by the lake and then back up through the bamboo to the road before heading off westwards. This is where I got confused. Pubic Hare maintained that we then looped round back to the same road, but we seemed to approach from the wrong side. Given that the last time PH tried to set a walk in this area he ended up about 5 miles away from where he should have been, and the last time Motalib Hared a walk in this area he got lost, I have little faith in what either of them told us. Anyway, Pubic Hare had to keep asking Motalib which way to go, so we were all reassured that we would successfully reach the B point (as long as we had enough cash for the CNGs!) Motalib, however, took advantage of being in his home territory to catch up with family and friends. Bugger the walkers – they can find their own way – he was simply out for the social! Anyway, it was a really nice walk, despite the best efforts of the Hares. Lots of interesting stuff, like weird fruit that you can buy for a small fortune in Sainsbury’s actually growing on trees. There was probably more, given how many photographs were taken of stuff that was interesting (well, interesting to the wimps that walk, anyway), but I can’t remember what it might have been. We got to the On-In site well before the runners. Clearly a total misjudgement by the Hares but then what else could be expected from those two. Pubic Hare was obviously far more concerned with getting some drink down his neck and his 150^th Run certificate.
Some hashers, some kids
Two nice boys!
Where’s the rest of the pack?			Bamboozled runners
Hares	The Circle The circle got off to a gross start as Pubic Hare dropped a huge lump of snotters right in the middle of where the circle was going to be, to the general revulsion of all those unfortunates, in particular the GM, who witnessed the event. Eventually the GM had recovered enough to call the circle to order around the big mound of green jelly left by Pubic Hare, and the Hares were called into the middle. It was voted a good bamboo run and a fruity walk. With the steadily improving skills of mismanagement that we have come to expect of this GM, no Beer Maid had been appointed in the absence of Hairy Crack. Lip Service’s mum, Cyndy, was pressed into service so the Hares eventually got their down-downs and credit for a good run in a nice location. Next in were the three virgins: Paula, who is English and has been working here since January without having the misfortune to discover the Hash; Andrea is here doing business and he was brought along by other virgin Shameem who just heard about the Hash and thought it would be good to come along. Poor misguided fool! Gustav was just back visiting from South Africa to finish his contract; Tuneless Cow was back from a world tour of Reno, Nevada (aren’t they the same place?) and LA; Booty Shaker from the far more exotic UK, probably Bolton, and Rocks Off came back from Oz to surprise Blow Pipe on his birthday and hasn’t yet gone back. Leavers were Bum Deal and Horse’s Arse, off to Edmonton for a prolonged absence. Bum Deal also got her 150^th run certificate. However the occasion had the gloss knocked off it as she had to share the stage with Pubic Hare who had also achieved that milestone. Finally Five-Year-Old-Shit was given his permanent leavers certificate. He’s off on his hols, probably to Bangkok and Manila for a change, then will be back for a few days at the end of the month to pack his bags and head for KL, the lucky sod. Formalities over, Webfart donned the feathery hat and began the abuse. First in were the Hares again for ruining a nice T-shirt by not having rude words on it like Pubic, Bum and Shit, but instead Faizi, Jodie and Tim. The only correct name was Motalib and that’s only because the poor bugger hasn’t yet got a hash name despite his run and Hare record. Continuing the T-shirt theme and, correctly, back to Hash Names, Foreskin and Rocks Off were called in for refusing to wear the beautiful run shirt on the run. Rocks Off compounded her sin by saving the remains of her down-down into her beer can instead of pouring it on her head. We expect virgins to do it, so why shouldn’t experienced hashers. Maybe she’s never been a virgin and had to do it that way. Guileless Minty Hole was next in, having been daft enough to ask the RA for a lift when he knew that he would be carrying his nice shiny new shoes in the car with him. Maybe he likes his beer mixed with shiggy. Other down-downs were awarded to: - Lip Service for dragging her Mum into slavery as the Beer Maid - Pubic Hare and Warm & Fluffy for the incident with the snotters - LBH for declaring his intention to break his long held tradition of having soup when the rest of the Hash has pizza - Lip Service again for being unable to get her legs behind her ears (reminds me of an old joke about the bishop, the contortionist and a guiding fart) - Rowdy for grabbing Del Boy’s bum when failing to leap over a patch of shiggy Then we came to Homeless. For his first down-down, Deporteur was called in to explain exactly what he had been talking about on the run when describing how his fanny should be tickled. In response, and for his second down-down, Homeless had apparently described to Deporteur how he’d managed to fuck a coconut (did he drink the milk before or after? Do we want to know?). Deporteur had apparently seen sense at this point and accelerated away from Homeless. Not too difficult a task. Finally, Five-Year-Old-Shit was called in to receive his just rewards as a Happy Hash Helper. Webfart made the mistake of passing him the RA’s headgear so he could have one final fling as RA. This was an invitation for FYOS to witter on senselessly about his life and times on the Hash, dwelling seriously on the incident of Lip Service’s long and intimate conversation with a goat that led to her being named. Eventually, though, he selected Two Bottles to share a final down-down, presumably in the hope that some bottles would be forthcoming. Thanks to the Hares for a great run, good T shirts with an original design and no rude words on them. On On, Towed
Virgins
Leavers
Thirstee beetch
Service guaranteed
Bum Grabber and Grabbed
Certifiable, having done it 300 times between them			Fifty-Five-Year-Old-Tits’ last stand