DHAKA MIXED HASH – RUN NO 1424			16^th August 2008
Webfart’s 300^th at Dhanmondi Duck Pond
Looks like (badly) shaved armpits especially for the big occasion
Hares: Webfart, Warm & Fluffy, Codpiece & Minty Hole				Hashers: 57
Virgins: Jason, Jimmy, Beckley, Christian & Lucian				Visitors: none
Leavers: none that admitted it		Returnees: none
Milestones: Ménage a Tina – 25 Runs; WEBFART – A MAGNIFICENT 300 RUNS
Teachers get childish	The Run The precision of the instructions for the meeting point was a forewarning of things to come. Having told my driver that we were meeting in front of the Parliament Buildings he was all set to head in through the security barrier, past the “Vacant, Property for Rent” sign and right up to the front of the building itself. Clearly this was not what was intended so we searched along the mile of extra wide dual carriageway for the rank of hash chariots, eventually finding them at the far end. We had to wait only a few minutes for the run instructions from Webfart – equally as comprehensive as those for the RV – “follow the Land Rover – anyone who gets lost is stupid.” 25 minutes later we eventually got to where we were supposed to be, having followed the obviously stupid Ipodophile and Booty Shaker. Nonetheless, we weren’t by any means the last to arrive so we can’t have been as stupid as some. Minty appeared to have been charged with rounding up the stragglers but decide that once 90% of those who had signed on were present, the run could start. The trail was set with quaint chalk hieroglyphics – upper case H for the walk and lower case h for the run (apparently not highly visible when you’re running – I wouldn’t know these days). There’s not really much to be said about a hash in Dhanmondi that hasn’t already been said. The walkers set off in one direction and the runners in the opposite direction. We wandered happily down the lakeside, pausing to be overtaken occasionally by the runners or for photo ops, ending up at the phallic shiphouse, as Webfart described it, where we paused to collect Ménage a Tina, Blow Job, Goose Bumpy and virgin Jason who had finally found the walk thanks to some intensive mobile work by Webfart. Just around the corner from the shiphouse was Chez Webfart where we paused in the garden for a Webfart special cocktail. An interesting mix of flavours and it took someone as perceptive and knowledgeable about alcoholic mixes as Lip Service to spot that the grungy powdery stuff floating on the top was probably grated parmesan. The plants in that garden will probably wither and die from the amounts surreptitiously disposed of in their general direction. Then we were off again, continuing around the south end of the lake and then on back to the main road somewhere around the point where we had made our U-turn on the way to the start, and to the On-In at a sumptuous roof garden complete with lawn, ponds, a rockery (well, brickery but what do you expect in Bangladesh with the price of rocks as it is) and various exotic shrubs.
“Lovely drink thanks, Webfart”
The Triffids sadly failed to take him
Runners and Walkers in front of the Big Shiphouse
Hares	The Circle We waited some considerable time for the circle to start – I think it was whilst the catering corpse (Webfart, I believe) sorted out the rather excellent snacks and poured out 57 rum & cokes into the splendid memorial mugs that were handed out in honour of the occasion. Anyway Warm & Fluffy eventually got things going by calling the circle to order and the Hares into the middle. The usual judgement of “bollocks” from the 300^th runner drowned out any less intelligent comment from the circle. Virgins were next, and we had five of them this week. Lucien is from Romania, I think he said, and is here to keep Emily happy; Beckley, Jimmy and Jason are all internees at the American School and all hail from somewhere in the US. Since my geographical knowledge of the US is that it lies somewhere between Canada and Mexico, I won’t attempt to go into more detail about their origins. The fifth Virgin, Christian, is an intern at the Danish Embassy. Words of advice for Christian are to be careful accepting a lunch invitation from LBH. The GM then had to be reminded about visitors Custard Tart and Towed Under, so eager was she to bestow the 300 run honours on her co-Hare. Anyway, they’re here and they’re out from the UK to visit me. Finally we got around to the certification of Ménage a Tina, who has managed 25 runs (but very nearly didn’t manage today’s) and get-a-lifer Webfart for his 300^th run. There was a brief pause for prayer time during which the Full Moon Hash on 19^th August – 20.00 at ISD Bashundara was announced before Webfart took over as RA. First in were Cloth Balls and Challenger – something about a conversation at the start of the run but essentially about the shocking shirt that Cloth Balls was wearing (inside-out in the hope that no-one would notice). Then it was the turn of the once super-fit LBH, plumbing new depths by actually doing the walk this week (although it has to be said that is better than last week when he spent the whole time in the car because he thought he might get wet). Marriage is certainly taking it out of him. Virgins Jimmy and Beckley were then invited in to display their gorgeous T-shirts. These guys had been invited along by Penis who had been kind enough to lend them some hash T-shirts (although as virgins they are excused this requirement). However, she was mean enough to only provide them with the pink girly ones from last year’s AGM, so they got the down-down anyway. Continuing the “pink” theme, Booty Shaker was invited in to show off her pink hat, shoe laces and cerise shirt, she produced a hot pink mobile from her pocket as well. Bearing in mind that Ipodophile was christened for having a pink ipod, one has to ask not who, but whether anyone wears the trousers in that household! In what could also be construed as continuing the pink theme, apparently Warm & Fluffy had taken the Hares out for a lunch that included a special Mexican cocktail that reminded Codpiece of ……. well, we’ll not dwell on what it was exactly but ……. just remember the pink theme and think of the grossest thing you, or rather Codpiece could imagine! Once Webfart had established the guy’s name, Aussie Neil was called in, along with Dunny Gone, Lip Service and Chaste Whore. Apparently Dunny Gone was moaning about how these gorgeous young bumpies were named by Bozo after three runs for just about anything, whilst Neil, a stalwart of the hash in more ways that one, remained simply Neil. No doubt come the day that Bozo fancies shagging a huge hairy arsed Australian, he’ll get a name. Not long to wait, then? Webfart closed with some drivel about Minty’s nit comb which apparently Emily had borrowed at Crusty Lobster’s farewell do in Srimagal and returned with hardly any teeth left. Or was it that there were hardly any teeth in it when she borrowed it because Minty had been using it on his pubes. Just when Warm and Fluffy thought she could close proceedings with no further adverse comment, Foreskin stepped in to challenge on an issue of the basic ground rules of haring, and called in the four Hares. This was certainly justified by the total fuck-up of meeting point and instructions to get to the run start with no guidance whatsoever, resulting in hashers who had paid valuable chits for the privilege of hashing being abandoned to their fates in the back streets of Dhanamondi whilst the rest got on with the enjoyment of walking round the lake. Instructions, Foreskin maintained, must be clear and concise and give everyone a chance of making it to the start, not a James Bond like instruction to “follow that car” and hope it worked out. Hares were asked to lie down on the lovely lawn whilst the poor sods who missed out, Ménage a Tina, Blow Job, Goose Bumpy and virgin Jason were invited to pour the down-downs down their gaping mouths. A fitting end to a good circle. Thanks to the Hares for organising things, the freebies and the food. Mugs are much appreciated – I’ve tried drinking coffee out of T-shirts and it doesn’t work. They also give a much more gratifying crash when hurled against a wall in frustration. On On Towed
Virgins
Really happy visitors
Ménage a Vingt Cinq
Proof (and there’s an ‘r’ in that)
Pretty in Pink
Disgusting on Pink
The Hares get their just desserts