DHAKA MIXED HASH – RUN NO 1426					30^th August 2008
West of Ashulia					Penis’ 200^th Run–Two Bottles’ Final Run
Hares: Penis, Challenger, Two Bottles, Minty Hole, Camel Jockey, Pole Vaulter, Blow Job & Booty Shaker							Hashers: 60
Virgins: Stella				New Runners: Danny, Jacob
Permanent Leaver: Two Bottles				Returnees: Monkey Semen, Back Door Man, Towed
Milestones: Arse Over Tits – 50 Runs; Penis – 200 Runs; Geli–425 Runs
Pretty scenery (ruined by Tall Man)	The Run We were greeted at the newly refurbished Big Italy not, for a change, by T-shirts but by copious quantities of orange coloured and flavoured neat vodka, and the news that it was Two Bottles’ final run. I think all he’d done was to add a bit of food colouring and flavouring to about a case of vodka but been careful not to dilute the stuff in any way! I had one and that was enough to make my eyes water. I’m not averse to a drink before a run but this stuff was serious. As we got back into the car my passenger, Back Door Man, carefully put his almost finished cup down next to my driver’s drink bottle. “Didn’t you like it?” I asked. “No,” he replied, “I loved it – it was just that four was possibly a bit too much!” Needless to say, we didn’t see him at all on the Hash. So we went a little way north and then turned off and followed a brick road some way out into the countryside. As usual, no-one could find the paper. I had an excuse: this being my first run for about 12 weeks, I’d almost forgotten what to do. Eventually some fool found the stuff and they all plodded on to the first check. I figured they would soon head in my direction so didn’t really work too hard at getting to the check, but then they all buggered off in the opposite direction leaving me on my own. However as I headed gently towards them I came across the paper so had a nice little rest whilst they all caught up. Also received some remarkably rude comments from FRB Dunny Gone. It was at this check that Over-Exposed decided he needed a leak. Hash Flash was immediately instructed to get the pictorial evidence for childish comments in next year’s calendar, but was robustly stopped by the bodyguard! There was something of a struggle to find the trail from here. It is really nice to see young Gabby back, showing some of these fat-arsed old bastards how to run, but does she always have to be right behind me when I start effing and blinding because I’ve gone the wrong way! I seemed to have spent half the run apologising to her. I think it was Blow Pipe who finally found the trail which started to head north then swing around to the west. It was really great running country, even if a tad on the flat side, but great trails. Lip Service and I found ourselves way ahead at one stage as all the other idle bastards had stood around at the check waiting for us to find the paper and then couldn’t keep up when we called it. From the next check we could see the walkers in front and Challenger dropped a far too heavy hint that we should follow them. The gullible majority of course, did just that and found the beer check fairly easily. The wiser ones (including, of course, myself) decided that it couldn’t possibly be that way so headed out across the open grasslands. Some worked their way back to the pack but I managed to continue my misguided way until I found a check. I was then able to back track to the beer check, which was in a nice little garden, to find Webfart leading the assembled company in a few choruses of “that was a terrible song”. From here the paper was found heading off to the south to meet the long brick road that heads out from Ashulia. Despite the lack of paper we just followed this back, whilst the more diligent struggled along some minor trails. We enjoyed splashing through the puddles as the walkers were about, and eventually worked our way back onto paper and to the On-In at Big Italy. A really good run, considering that there were 8 Hares and that Penis is so short.
Up a tight passage!
Hashers do it in single file
Relaxed running Hares
All the Hares	The Circle Oh, well – so what happened in the circle? Starting with the Hares there was much ado about the rocket fuel we were asked to drink before the run. Possibly as a direct result of the rocket fuel, or the fact that there were far too many Hares for the GM to manage, the circle collapsed into chaos with order only being restored when …. well, I don’t think it ever was. Once the Hares had finally been kicked out, Virgin Stella was called in to explain herself. She’s a teacher at AIS and came along with Penis. Significantly, as I write this some 7 weeks after the event, I don’t think she’s been back. Three magnificent returnees followed – Back Door Man, Monkey Semen and me, Towed. Monkey Semen wasn’t a proper returnee as he hadn’t been out of the country. The silly twat had also worn a Monday hash T-shirt which he was fairly quickly relieved of. Back Door Man seemed to have been on a world tour of south-east Asian sex haunts and I was back from running on a real hash in Kathmandu with Towed Under. The only Leaver was that noted source of alcohol, Two Bottles, who is sadly leaving for good after doing 62 runs with the DMHHH and providing somewhere around the same number of bottles of assorted spirits. We’ll miss him (so much so that he was given a chorus of “why was he born so beautiful?”). Other notables were the “get-a-lifers” Penis for 200 runs, Geli for an incredible 425 runs (incredible only because he still doesn’t know the words to the hash song) and Arse Over Tits, who deserves a special mention, for 50 runs. Arse Over Tits was wearing a Nash Hash 2001 T-shirt. April Hash stats have him on 49 runs. This run was almost in September. How often does the idle bastard come to the Hash? RA Webfart then stepped into the breach and called in Pubic Hare as his first victim. Pubic Hare claimed it was his spell checker that did it but the rest of the world knows that he could not control his secret hatred of the hash and he deliberately edited the caption to the main photo of trash 1423 to read “Hated Hashers” rather than the original “Hatted”. Codpiece was next, or would have been had she been there. In an inspired piece of flattery (and you can read that any way you want to) Webfart called in look-alike, Chicken Fucker, to accept the blame for her pouring away her beer at the beer stop once she had found out that it was free. There then followed a series of down-downs for various loosely-defined reasons: · Camel Jockey, Goose Bumpy, Pussy Pick Up and basher for fuck knows what · LBH, for dressing more casually at a wedding than he does on the Hash · Hare, Blow Job, for ignoring GPS and paper when leading the walkers · GM Warm & Fluffy for getting the Hares song wrong · Foreskin for being an insensitive bastard (i.e. following a national trait) by wearing a Bangladesh T-shirt when his side had just stuffed Bangladesh at cricket. The final down-down awarded by Webfart was to Over-Exposed. In his absence, his fellow American, Zolie, was called in. I’m not too sure what it was all about but Dunny Gone was involved as well. The choice of look alike was excellent as it can be seen from the photo that they share the same drinking technique – hands so unsteady that some other bugger has to hold the mug! Foreskin then donned the feathery hat to continue the chastisement. Back Door Man – he of the four orange juices before the run – was called in to explain why, when all sorts of shit had been provided before the run, he had the gall to ask where the T-shirts were. There was some other stuff that involved the two Excellencies, Webfart, Underbelly (who wasn’t actually called Underbelly at the time), and Warm & Fluffy. Not too sure what it was all about, but it involved Over Exposed being protected by his bodyguard when he disappeared into the bamboo for a pee and Hash Flash (not W&F) wanted to follow to get the obligatory photo. This could actually have been two separate down-downs that my notes failed to discriminate between. Goose Bumpy and Blow Job were making far too much noise at the back of the class, so all the teachers were called in, but no beer was given, just the song. Webfart then made a brief reappearance to comment on the size of the 200^th Runner, Penis. Utter confusion between US, Imperial and metric units, so I’ve clarified in the caption. At some stage towards the very end of the circle, it was quietly pointed out to the GM that there had been two visitors that she had completely ignored. Jacob and Danny were called in but had their thunder stolen by Booty Shaker who was all for enjoying a bit more of the orange juice. There may have been some other bits and pieces that I’ve missed but who cares. It was then on-pizza downstairs where Webfart was seriously noisy thanks, one suspects, to the orange juice. On On Towed BREAKING NEWS (or at least it was when I started writing this!) – this scribe has heard unofficially, from sources close to the mismanagement, that the four percent Haring rule has been rescinded. Whilst that is good news for those who really can’t manage the time to recce and set a nice run in the country, it does not excuse the rest of you who are simply too fucking idle to get off your fat lazy arses and set a run. Look at the webshite under Hareline and see when Hares are needed and volunteer, or call up the named Hare to see if s/he needs help.
A Stella(r) virgin
Returnees
Happy to be going?
His US Excellency
0.284 litres, 0.075 US gallons or HALF PINT!
One for the girls			One (more) for Booty (I’m getting ratted) Shaker			One for the boys!