DHAKA MIXED HASH – RUN NO 1435				25^th Octobre 2008
Zee ‘Ash Grenouille a Maison Dr Zhivago
Les ‘Ares Explainez le Route
Lievres: Linge Ballons, Hacqueur Fucqueur, French Knicqueurs, Julie, On Zee Beetch, Patrick et Gil					‘Ashers: 36
Vierges: nil					Courours nouveaux: nil
Les Hommes qui s’en aller: Kabir, Yanker et Bozo le Plaisantin			Les Returnées: Tuneless Vache, Linge Ballons
Les Milestones: Daniel – 25 Runs; Free Willy – 75 Runs; LBH – 575 Runs; Minty Hole 625 Runs!
Les lievre marcheur	Le Run I ‘ave a number of foreign languages to my credit but tend occasionally to get zem confused. ‘Owevere je will try to ecris lentement et loudly so that Johnny Foreigner is able to comprend. Nous commençons à la boutique Bata à Tongi ou la Hash head beetch Chaud et Floconneuse painted petit moustaches noirs on us all. Next, nous drovons une hell of a long way à nord sampai kami masuk la maison Doctor Zhivago, à Baganbari. Ici les Lievre restez avec les special T-shirts Froggy pour nous, et les petit chapeaux rouge. Apres une boisson tres disgusting de some pouffy French licker et un brief briefing, les coureurs courired off towards the gate, leaving les marcheurs au derriere. Je n’ais pas le faintest fucking clue as to what ‘appened to zem après zat. Ah, j’oublier – il pleut beaucoup et nous gettons tres wet. Nous coureurs set off out of zee gate et turned sharp left to trouver le papier. Ahh les bollox – je ne suis pas capable de continuer cette crap et please forgivez moi all vous froggy people pour not being able to write any more dans votre language bellissimo. To be quite honest, I’m not sure I can write a hell of a lot better in English as I don’t remember much of the detail, such is the pleasure that running in the rain brings. I do know that we meandered around the villages for a bit, struggling to find paper. It’s never easy when Linge Ballons sets a run as he throws the stuff any old where. Since most of it had washed away anyway, it was double the confusion. And, of course, his insistence on differentiating between open and closed checks did not help matters un iota. At one stage Can’t Pull, Camel Jockey and I found paper that no-one else did, the Hares having insisted that it went in a different direction entirely. At least it gave us time for a pee before the Hares finally realised the error of their ways and called the pack back. We also had a check beside the local clink so paused in our nice stripey jailbird shirts for a photo op. Its just amazing that the guards didn’t come out and drag us all back in! Then we got to one open check too many in a little wood. The Hares had all run straight past it and if Rocks Off hadn’t for some reason been wandering around off the trail, no-one would have seen it. “Open Check” shouts Linge Ballons, “so if vous trouvez le papier, vous etez on”. So I found paper. So did everyone else but sadly in completely the opposite direction! After running around on my own for five minutes or so I eventually found the walkers, which got me back onto paper but then I managed to lose it again quite quickly. Eventually after heading in the general direction of what I thought to be cries of “on-on” etc. I met Bozo coming in the opposite direction and rejoined the pack. We all ran around a bit more, noting that at one stage Homeless was consistently up with the front runners. The bastard must be into performance enhancing Yabba. Probably found it in a corner at the On-In site. Just when we thought that we were on beer, the bastards took us on a couple of 20 minute loops, including the first back-check I’ve encountered since I started running with DMHHH (for those who don’t know about back checks, they happen when the Hares have accidentally laid paper into a dead end and can’t pick it all up, so just put a check there). Eventually we had a short run along the road and back to the On-In. It took bloody ages and was bloody miles long, but a fantastic run. Who would have believed the Froggies could get something as right as that?
Un lievre lari-lari
Les coureurs
Log trotting
Les corbeaux sont effrayé shitless
Les Lievres	Le Cercle The circle was preceded by un repast Français magnifique: Italian salami, accompanied by excellent Somerset Brie et Bangladeshi French bread. Chef beetch de ‘Ash, Chaud et Floconneuse eventually called the circle to order dans le gathering gloom, once lights and ice had been suitably arranged. Les beaucoup de Lievres Froggy were called in. L’opinion generale was un run tres bon. With no vierges or courours nouveaux we were left with leavers Yanker, off back to his beloved Hash in Cebu (rumour has it that he has a wife & kids there that he loves almost as much), Bozo, who is off to relieve Sex Starved in Srimangal in Worthing with much jiggy-jiggy, and Kabir, who is headed for the USA. Why?? Returnees were Linge Ballons and Tuneless Vache, back from Nepal. Then we had a load of certificates – Daniel’s done 25, Free Willy (with every ten box tops) has done 75, LBH a magnifique 575 runs, many of which have been in a straight line, and finally le grand daddy of zee ‘Ash, Minty ‘Ole who has done un unbelievable 625 runs. Sebelum Bozo bisa commencer, Daniel was called in pour asseyez sur la glace parcequ’il a un party privée. There was then some confusion over the date, or rather the French for twenty which franglais expert extrordinaire Bozo had as trente. So there we all were, on the thirty fifth of Octobre … ?? but it was actually about the fact that the stats on the website were still at April, so on-in sur la glace came Cheveux Pubique shortly followed by me, le ‘Ash Scribe for being a tad behind avec le trash. Whilst we were cooling notre derrieres les Lievres Marcher were called in pour explainer ‘ow zey got lost trois temps dans le first cinq-cent metres of zee walk. Cheveux Pubique was then released from the ice so that Lip Service could be called in for not providing les photos. Lip Service n’est pas ici parce que, apres about 10 minutes dans le back of my car on zee way to zee ‘Ash she screamed and got out and went home. Je ne sais pas pourquoi! Look alike, Yanker was called in to share the ice with me for a while before we were finally released. Le suivant est Geli, je ne sais pas pourquoi. Something to do with les Lievres courir and a lack of papier. Bozo requestez une petite femme pour asseyer on Geli’s lap to stop him from lifting his bum. Step forward Hacqueur Fucqueur! Rocks Off was then called in – she went straight on the ice without even being told. Apparently she had managed to completely ignore a warning about a low wire and ran straight into it. In rapid succession Free Willy was put on ice pour un party privée, Homeless pour being on performance enhancing Yabba and lost boys Camel Jockey and me. Then in an unusual change for the circle 625th runner Minty Hole was called in to provide consultancy services. Where, Bozo wanted to know, should Yanker take his receipt for the five bottles of Jim Beam that Customs relieved him of when he entered the country a couple of months back? Le down-down avant-dernier was awarded to un ‘Asher who came to zee ‘Ash, paid his cent vingt cinq taka and sat in his car pour le duration. Step forward le cleanest and driest ‘Asher in the circle – who else, but LBH. He really shouldn’t get run credits for this. Et enfin Linge Ballons was called in. Bozo pointed out zat zees was un ‘Ash Francais et Linge Ballon est un homme Belgique. What was ‘ee doing as un ‘Are? Actually, the “avant dernier” et le “enfin” above are not strictly correct parce que le down-down deifinitement définitif, was pour toutes les Lievres to a rousing chorus of Un French Homme va à le lavatory. Monsieur Bozo Le Plaisantin deserves un special mention for ‘ees excellent vocabulaire Franglais and ‘ees accent Francais bellissimo and a cercle tres bon et amusant. Les Lievres aussi pour un run tres bon. There is, of course, a down side to everything, namely the two and a half hour drive home after a few beers and a couple of down-downs. Thank god for what we in the UK call filling stations – they should also be known as emptying stations. Clearly we weren’t the first to use the facilities as all the guys on the forecourt took one look at mon ‘Ash gear and pointed straight to the loos! Sur Sur! Towed
Returnees
Les Incredibles
Lievres Marcheurs
Unjustly glacéed
Private partiers
More Lievres Vierge
Un non-vierge!		Deux Frangladeshis