DHAKA MIXED HASH – RUN NO 1437					8^th November 2008
Bozo’s 300^th Run - Little Italy
See, Chickens can fly!!
Hares: Bozo the Clown, Lip Service, Tuneless Cow, Emily, Chaste Whore & Towed						Hashers: unknown
Virgins: none						New Runners: none
Leavers: Dunny Gone, Hairy Crack		Returnees: Bozo the Clown, Lip Service & Rugger Bugger
Milestones: Bozo the Clown has done 300 Runs!!!
Check 1 – the only time the pack were all together!	The Run Well, people have been saying that this run was a candidate for The Most Fucked Up Run of the Year Award. As one of the Hares, I’m not sure that I agree, but you can make your own minds up as the tale unfolds. Firstly, we were a bit late in setting out for Little Italy to set the run. Not my fault – Bozo and Lip Service had a play rehearsal until midday. So which is more important – prancing about in the public eye wearing make up and fancy costumes, shouting and singing silly songs, or arts & drama? Anyway, the delay was really no problem as we had walked the whole thing the previous day in around an hour and twenty minutes and the run was only to be extended a little bit. That all turned out to be bollocks as we only just finished setting the run by the appointed meeting time (getting lost twice in about the first 500 metres did not help) and still had to get back to Little Italy from the On-In site. So we were a bit late in starting the run and there was no time for registration since Hash Cash was also a late Hare. Never mind – there was none of this fancy on-convoy stuff. First paper was just out the back of the restaurant and it was still only about four o’clock, so there was lots of time before it got dark. Arriving at the first check we had people heading in all directions on the three false trials that had been laid, including the three mile long one laid by Emily (another reason for the long laying time were the waits for Emily to return from laying a falsie). Anyway, the pack eventually found the right paper and headed off through the villages more or less on paper. Check two again had everyone guessing and it was here that we lost sight of Pussy Pick Up who was toting Zolie around in the backpack. Did we miss him? Not really. The pack had started to spread out a bit even at this early stage meaning increasingly long waits at the checks for them to catch up. Eventually even PPU caught up somewhere around the fifth check. It was shortly after this point that the walkers were to branch off to take a shortcut, which was the point at which Emily took over the paper laying duties from Lip Service who had already been pretty profligate, using about half of the supply in the first couple of kilometres. You might not think this is a particularly relevant point, but it had a certain significance to later events. I think it was Camel Jockey that found the first traces of Emily’s trail and called on-on, soon to be overtaken by Pickled Pussy, but shortly after that the pack started to spread out in all directions looking for the elusive paper. It was eventually Extortionist who found a fleck or two of paper with a little help from a Hare. The trail, or rather the lack of it, continued for a while until one of the Hares came across a check. By this time the Pussies decided that Zolie could do a bit of running so they popped him down and off he went to check it out. The little bugger can run – I’ll give him that. But for some reason or other this was where it all started to go a bit pear shaped. Time was running on and we still had a fair way to go. However, the pack seemed unwilling to push the pace and hung around at checks. Bozo, who had only flown back from an exhausting week with Sex Starved the previous afternoon, started to drop back, claiming that he was sweeping. It also seemed that the Pussies were struggling to keep up (other than Zolie who was travelling considerably quicker than Bozo). Checks became longer and longer and it was with some surprise that we met the walkers where they rejoined the running trail. Only 2k to go and it was getting a bit dark! This wasn’t helped by the latter part of the run being in bamboo forest. At the penultimate check we had to wait so long for Bozo and Pickled Pussy to catch up that the walkers, approaching from a variety of directions, caught us up. Having spotted the two slow bastards in the distance, “check it out” was called, ignoring the fact that Challenger and Pussy Pick Up had not been seen for a while. With much help from the Hares, the runners made it safely back in the gathering gloom and walkers straggled in afterwards as darkness fell. However, the Pussies and Bozo were still missing. Eventually PPU turned up with Zolie, but no sign of the remaining two. Something like an hour after the first runners had got home, Bozo finally staggered in with Pickled Pussy in tow. He’d only got inextricably lost finding his way to what he claimed was one of his favourite On-In sites! At least that is what he claimed.
Checking it out??
Two-legged rickshaw
Stragglers
The superfit Homeless
Some not lost walkers
Leavers	The Circle Since it was well dark by the time Hash Cash got back and a fair few had disappeared, it was decided that this would just have to be a gratis run. Warm & Fluffy finally called the circle to order whilst Bozo was still crawling around looking for beer in his bag. The Hares were duly given a hard time – I really cannot understand why as this was a really great run! Next in were Returnees Lip Service, Bozo and Rugger Bugger who is back to oversee the financial management of the country. Leavers were Hairy Crack and Dunny Gone who were off back to Oz for a few weeks. And finally from the GM, the award of another mug and certificate to Bozo for having completed 300 runs with the Dhaka Mixed Hash (but only just). Then it was time for RA Bozo to entertain us all, but before he was allowed to do so, Foreskin stepped in to deliver a fitting accolade to such an accomplished Hasher. Basically, what Foreskin had to say was how come someone with so much hashing experience, not to mention a lifetime of work in building the byways of this country, could manage to get so fucking lost finding the way to somewhere that he’d been to twice in the previous 24 hours? At last, Bozo was allowed to start and called in the cause of all his woes, Pickled Pussy. His problem was trying to convince the circle that he had fallen so far behind with one of the fittest and fastest FRBs because she, not he, was slow. Hell’s bells – her two year old was running faster than him (and had, in any case, been way ahead of them. No, convincing us that this was anything except a gross breach of rule 39 – no sex on the Hash – was to prove difficult. Next in were the walking Hares who, like Bozo himself, had managed to get thoroughly lost trying to lead the pack. Then it was the turn of Blow Job to be called in. Apparently this upright pillar of society had not been quite so upright the previous evening and, whilst slumped at the bar in the American Club had leaned over and sunk her teeth into the shoulder of a fellow teacher. I’m just glad they’ve banned Bagha members from there so that I cannot accidentally stray in and suffer a similar fate! And finally the nameless Emily was called in to the circle to be suitably rewarded for her paper laying skills and her insistence on running all the false trails even though she was a Hare and knew they were false. Nominations on these themes were: Falsies Lousy Lay Duracell Bunny Ready Rabbit and False Tail After a tough call on the vote, it was finally decided that Lousy Lay won the day, although she can’t have been that lousy as she was all wet after Bozo’s ministrations. And that was it! Bozo collapsed in a heap suffering from the trials and tribulations of keeping it up with Pickled Pussy. On On Towed
The cause of the problem
Teeth marks
Lost hairs
The Hares, and a Lousy Lay