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DHAKA MIXED
HASH – RUN NO 1440 |
29th
November 2008 |
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CAMEL
JOCKEY’S 100TH HARE A little way
North-East of Ashulia |
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IF
ANYONE OTHER THAN ROWDY, WHO HAS NOW FLED THE COUNTRY, HAS ANY PHOTOS OF THIS
RUN PLEASE SEND THEM TO ME TOWED |
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Hares: Pole Vaulter, Camel Jockey, Deportee, Hash
Who, Queen Who, Rahman & Masud |
Hashers: 44 |
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Virgins: none |
New
Runners: none |
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Leavers: Deportee |
Returnees: Rahman, Hafiz |
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Notables: French Knicqueurs – 50 Runs |
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The Run The
first thing that I can say with confidence is that there will be no photos of
the run, the hash flash and her various stand ins having decided not to come
to this FANTASTIC HASH. The
second thing I can say, with even greater confidence, is that the start was
one of the biggest fuck-ups that it has been my pleasure to witness. We had all duly foregathered at Big Italy
as instructed, pretty much by the appointed time, but it was clear that there
was a certain reluctance on the part of the Hares, of whom only three could
be spotted, to get the show on the road.
Eventually someone persuaded Blow Job, the Vice GM, to get the show on
the road. The
briefing was limited to “its on-convoy from here” and we all trouped
downstairs. However there was a
distinct reluctance of the lead Hare, Deportee, to move on from here because,
at least 15 minutes after the appointed meeting time there were still TWO
FUCKING HARES MISSING – Hash Who and Queen Who seemed to have been
unable to tell the time.
Notwithstanding this, the Hares were persuaded to lead on, so Deportee’s
driver pulled out onto the main road and headed north. For about 50 yards, then waited for the
convoy to form up. 20 vehicles into
50 yards doesn’t go, especially when half of them are Chelsea Tractors. Chief fuckwit, Deportee persuaded his
driver to continue for a bit, but by this time a huge traffic jam had built
up so we had to stop again to try to re-form the convoy, with Deportee now
out of the car and running up and down the road, and his driver not knowing
whether to wait or keep going. It
all sorted itself out in the end and we drove on up to the bazar, turned
right and then stopped not far past the little bridge. We chose to ignore the fact that the road
was only one vehicle wide at this point and blocked it for a while during
which time some vague run instructions were given by Hash Who, who had
finally deigned to turn up.
Basically, it was “first paper is thataway”, pointing north, and off
we went. We
were immediately onto some excellent running trails with either Jason or one
of the Froggies leading the way. Not
surprisingly Pussy Pick Up passed me before the first check, which was by an
asphalt road. No sooner had the Hares
said “check it out” than the cars, still with walkers on board, tried to run
us all down as we tried to cross the road to check it out. From here we meandered north a bit more,
eventually finding the cars just parking up at the On-In site. Cardinal Sin. Hash rule number 368 clearly states that if you can see the
beer, you’re allowed to head straight for it and the run is over. For some strange reason, the pack decided
to continue running and the beer was left behind for later. So we
just ran and ran – all the time on good trails through villages and bamboo,
no streets or Mickey Mouse stuff, in a big anticlockwise loop. All sorts of people were appearing as
FRBs, although sometimes, like Homeless, too shocked at the occurrence to
call paper. Eventually it became
clear that we were nearing the On-In.
Not because of our innate sense of direction but because cheating bastard
Groper had logged a waypoint on his GPS as we passed the On-In first time
around. After
a bit of a false start at the final check, when Pussy Pick Up sent Trek Or
Treat and I checking in the wrong direction (we should have realised, since
he was standing next to Groper) we all returned safely to the On-In, for the
second week running well before the walkers turned up. |
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The Circle Well,
we waited around for long enough whilst the crowds gathered and the popcorn
guy turned up, but still no sign of the walkers. Meanwhile there was considerable debate about the origins of
the RA’s headgear, clarified eventually by Rowdy who swore blind that the
feathers closely resembled those of the first Emu that he’d ever
mounted. Eventually the walkers
wandered in, although there was some debate as to where Blow Job had got
to. We eventually found her and got
the circle called to order and the Hares, with a bit of a struggle, into the
middle. It turned out that Hash Who
and Queen Who were too busy pouring piss for themselves to join in at first. The
run got a well deserved silence, as did the walk. Don’t know why since it was certainly one of the best runs I’ve
been on recently. Then it was the
turn of returnees Rahman and Hafiz.
Rahman had been to see Sidney, whoever he is, and Hafiz had been to
Canadia. Deportee
was called in as the only leaver – he’s off to Connecticut, possibly for a
long time. At this point it was
noticed that there was no Hash Flash, so Rowdy, being the only one with a
camera, was duly designated. God
knows when the photos will reach me. Notables
were French Knicqueurs, who has done 50 runs, and the amazing Camel
Jockey, who has now Hared a fantastic 100 times. That’s Tk12,500 he’s saved in run fees
plus, of course, a guaranteed free beer on each occasion (or, if you fuck up
as often as he does, probably more than one beer!). More of you should do it. The
GM then handed over to the Bozo look alike for the run discussion, none other
than virgin (and I use the word inadvisedly) RA, Penis. She had The Hat on and could feel the will Next
up were the Pussies. Apparently
Pickled Pussy had asked Pussy Pick Up what the grey tubey things were next to
the RA’s hat. “Darling,” he said,
“they’re condoms”. So they both had
to put a condom on their arm to take their down-down. (note to Bozo – we need bigger condoms for
Pickled Pussy as she managed to push through the end and get it straight in
her mouth, but the other one for PPU was ok as it was long enough to keep him
stiff). Hash
Who and Hash Queen were duly castigated for not being able to tell the time
before Steve (no hash name) was called in to demonstrate how he tripped and
fell right in front of Penis. Spread
‘Em was asked to join in as she had been the key actor in this little
drama. At the end of his acrobatic
tumble he had apparently emerged upright and in the arms of his beloved (I
reckon he’s one of those marital arts types). Anyway, voicing her deep concern for the extent of his
injuries, she greeted him with the words “Honey, you smell like shit”, which
he apparently did. Penis decided that
she was going to go for broke in her first session as RA and called for
nominations for a hash name. Smells
Like Shit was immediately called, along with Arse Over Tit. Showing a true grasp of Bangladesh
democratic principles, Penis then offered up only one choice for the
vote. Interjections from the Erection
Commission in the form of Rowdy and Towed ensured that the second choice name
was included in a deferred vote. It
didn’t really matter as the first choice of Smells Like Shit convincingly won
the day. Penis
then called in Homeless. It would
appear that the name is justified as, when handed his run shirt at the start,
Homeless simply put it on on top of his other clothes, which is what all
homeless people do since they haven’t got wardrobes. Homeless was made to wear the long pipe
but such is his love of free beer that he managed to drink his down-down with
barely a drop being spilled. Continuing
a long hash tradition established 15 minutes earlier, a second virgin RA was
called in to discuss events on the walk.
None other than Pubic Hare!
Quite rightly he called in all the Hares for the total fuck-up at the
start, who were given a rousing chorus of “why were they born so beautiful”. Next
in was Small Dick – I’m not sure what for – but he managed to do it
prematurely. Finally Sponge Bob Spare
Pants and Mrs Spare Pants were called in as it was their 41st wedding
anniversary. Their intimate
celebrations after their down-downs clearly flaunted Rule 31. Once
again, well done to the Hares for setting a fantastic run On On Towed |
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