DHAKA MIXED HASH Run No. 1505

WEDNESDAY 16 December, 2009

LOCATION: Brigadier Matin’s House – Mohakhali DOHS

No. Of Hashers: 45

HARES: Clothballs, Tall Man, Geli, Web Fart, Warm &Fluffy, Camel Jockey, Smells Like Shit, Blowpipe

VIRGINS: Fritz, Tripp, Jyoti

NEW RUNNERS/VISITORS: None

RETURNEES: None

LEAVERS: Clothballs, Tuneless Cow, Web Fart, Comic Stripper, Pussy Pick Up, Warm &Fluffy, Chicken Fucker, Over Exposed.

CERTIFICATES: Wet Balls (75 runs)

Monkey Semen (75 runs)

MUGS: Truck Yanker (300 runs)

The Victory Day combined Dhaka Mixed HASH and Dhaka HASH started, appropriately, at our dear departed friend, fellow Hasher and Bangladesh Liberation War Hero’s house – Brigadier General M. A. Matin (KBKC).

Present were the Brigadier’s family and after we’d paid our respects, we registered and waited for something to fuck up.

Of course we didn’t have to wait long as the t shirts soon arrived and, as usual, they were incorrectly sized and fitted no one!

10 minutes later 45 tossers in t shirts two sizes too small set off – the runners heading north and the walkers………..who gives a fuck!

Like any run where Camel Jockey’s a hare, no need to look for paper, CJ just points the way!

Second check point and Tall Man gives what turns out to be his only correct instruction for the day, which is check straight or right but not left as you won’t be allowed into the military complex. Immediately our number 1 front running bastard – you got it Pussy Pickup – heads left seeking political asylum! Yanks! Who can work ‘em out??

Meanwhile the rest of us set off toward Banani, leaving PPU with Over Exposed sorting out the diplomatic incident. Bum Deal decides Horses Arse is pissing her off to the point where she’s rather join the walkers! That’s a real bum deal Horses’, no wonder you went looking for another root!

We reach Gulshan Lake and Pussy Pick Up sprints off again. 20 minutes and about 800 metres later he’s sprinting back, having headed along the longest false trail in the history of the Dhaka mixed HASH!

A few check points later and Camel Jockey leads the group down the lake path. Tall Man, meanwhile, hangs back. So yours truly is torn. Do I follow CJ because, as I said earlier, no need for paper when CJ’s hare – just follow him. But then Tall Man’s such an honest, well meaning chap – so who do I follow?

My mind was made up when I saw Over Exposed heading off with Tall Man. Surely even Tall Man wouldn’t stoop so low as to stooge someone as eminent in Dhaka as our own Over Exposed. So my mind was made up – the rest of the group could follow Camel Jockey, who I suspected wasn’t on trail, but was instead looking for the two blind beggars he’d obviously selected to set the trail earlier in the day – while I’d go with my trusted friend Tall Man. So the three of us head of in the opposite direction. (Well…….3 and a half of us, Over Exposed’s so called personal guard was still back at check point 2 in Banani somewhere)

Of course, Tall Man fucked up! In his mind, I’m sure this is the only time in his life he’d fucked up.

Finally we make it to the B point (or is that C point?) - Blow Pipe’s soon to be demolished palatial residence. With Mrs. BP (Rocks Off) away, we had to wait outside for 10 minutes (with water only available!) while Blow Pipe cleared the house of hookers.

During the circle there was the usual bull shit, but thankfully this was drowned out by a band playing at the front gate. Most of us were intent on listening to this rather than the R.A.’s crap, that is until Geli, in the true patriotic, brotherhood spirit of Victory Day, yelled at the band to fuck off. (Well, it was in Bangla but I think I got the gist of it!)

Most of the leavers were heading off for Christmas to various sex tourist type destinations. The exceptions were Clothballs, who’s going to Austria to check on the condition of his hidden room in the back garden of his house, and Over Exposed, who’s chosen to Christmas on some obscure island in the middle of the Pacific rather than his own country!

The only other low light of the Hash was the amount of money Homeless had in his pocket. Of course, we all knew it didn’t come from any legitimate source like salary from a job, so Tuneless Cow cleared it up by telling us about a robbery at a jewelers the day before. Homeless immediately was the number 1 suspect and, just as Over Exposed was calling up his troops to make an arrest, Homeless addressed the circle and provided the perfect alibi – he couldn’t have robbed the jeweler because, at the time, he was busy selling a car he’d stolen the day before to some poor sucker. My money says the buyer was German! And, in all likelihood, an NGO. Wonder if it was our virgin Fritz?

And a final farewell to our friend Over Exposed, who’s recall to America (or is that Hawaii?), is imminent following his written endorsement of Homeless to join the American Rec. Club. What were you thinking off Over Exposed!!

Finally, a very Merry Christmas and a prosperous 2010 to all my Hash mates.

On On Santa.

Jock Itch